who are you? who are you?

yesterday i had a "who am i?" moment.

want to know when it was? when nate's teacher handed me a plastic bag full of clothing covered in the poops. (i seriously thought, 'mom! help! what am i supposed to do with this?')

oh. wait. i'm the mom.

then i contemplated just tossing the whole bag in the trash (i didn't.)

whoa.

i had a baby.

i have to clean him (and his clothing) for years to come.

who knew and didn't tell me!?!?

on another note, my friend an co-worker waynette shot some photos of Nate around 3/4 weeks... you can find them HERE. he looks wittle bitty.

3 months, 4 days

the weekends are for sleeping!

so the internets is a funny place.

last week, i blogged about the biggest loser. (which i love.) within a few hours, i got an email that started like this: "hey kat. I know you just gushed about last night's premiere of The BiggestLoser: Families and how it inspires you so I thought you might want to check out some embeddable bonus video clips that didn't make it into the episode..." and went on to list some links with clips. it was from a real person (i am assuming?!?) but a form email i do believe. i guess they search the internets for references to the show. huh. crazy. right? guess they found me!

so it had me wondering what other search terms get people to my bloggity. (google analytics is fun for finding this out.)

below is a list of my absolute favorites (there were a lot! but it doesn't necessarily mean people clicked on the blog, just that it came up somehow in a google search. i don't really know HOW it works so don't ask me. my commentary in parantheses after the search terms.)

the best part about this is that people actually went to google and typed these things in.

bringing home baby designer outfits (lots of searching for this with various search terms/phrases. i like this one because it uses the word 'designer' in reference to karl's GLORIOUS coming home outfit.)
27 week baby belly (there were a lot of these... maybe one for every week of pregnanacy)
longest toes in the world (nate will possibly be a contender. karl is for sure.)
getting peed on (we can only hope this person was speaking of child pee pee.)
alien poop pictures (um, WHO SEARCHS FOR THIS!?!)
babies do not have knee caps? (baby+kneecaps accounted for about 25% of the search engine terms. THEY DON'T HAVE THEM PEOPLE. GET OVER IT. well, actually, i believe they do have them, they just aren't all bone-ey until older. i don't know. google it.)
bootie kat (um......)
brooke licking kat (i promise you will find this phrase together NO WHERE on this blog so don't you go searching the archives, you dirty minded folks.)
can you have a baby at 37 weeks on a full moon (well, i would assume that you can. do you want to?)
dress up woh (WOH. that is all.)
dress you up in my love (all over, all over.)
hooterific amy (oh amy! who are you and why are you hooterific? Someone is LOOKING FOR YOU!)
hot preggo pics (well, i like to think i looked pretty hot but hopefully not "hot" in a sick way.)
how to comb an afro (no idea! i don't know how!)
hugging/ schedule (because in current society, we must schedule our hugs.)
i am tired of being pregnant (oh, well, this one... we all know what happened after i posted this one. i went into labor the next day! so, to whoever googled this... i hope you had your baby.)
i can't find my camera cord (why would you google this? google is not going to help you find your camera cord. go freaking look for it!)
i live in a pineapple (yep. me and sponge bob.)
who live in a pineapple under the sea (i just told you. who live there is me. and sqaurepants. keep up.)
jicama okay to eat when pregnant (the word "jicama" got me a lot of search hits. it's fun to say. and, clearly, no one knows what it is. but it is, in fact, ok to eat while preggo!)
jicama tastes nasty (does it? i still don't know. it was my fruit of the week / baby size at some point during my pregnancy.)
cantalope okay to eat when pregnant (oh for heaven's sake.)
karl the alien (he does have his moments.)
me knee caps don't work (weeee bit of a problem, methinks.)
nothing to say la la la myspace (nothing to say so let's google JUST THAT. clearly this person has too much time on their hands.)
one day daddy gone to find out shes in love with a brother from the streets (He'll see me as a person.... and not just a black man. (lyrics to I BELIEVE love is the answer for all those who didn't catch that. i love that song.))
picture of a white alien (can we assign race to aliens?)
pregnant woman freak (this is EITHER about me throughout my pregnancy or describing the moment i realized i was in labor.)
scale of bitchiness (well, let's not go there.)
she's a working with a bootie (nater's gotta eat.)
show me some guns (um.... did you get your tickets? i guess....)
the duck dance at weddings (HA! someone googled it. It IS the duck dance not the chicken dance. Google says so and Google's word is GOSPEL.)
what does a women look like if there pregnant (oh, trust me, you will know.)
when do you get knee caps? (WHEN?! WHEN!?)
horrifying births (this one makes me sad as my birth was anything but horrifying. nope. it. was. awesome.)
coy cabbage (i have found that cabbages are often coy.)


so, there you have it, folks. an entertaining look at my analytics. (the word analytics makes me happy. if i had a band, our name would definately be 'google analytics'. which would probably be illegal. making it that much cooler.)

so people totally are able to find you with the click of a button. good thing i'm not running for office, huh? for the record, i would never put anything on the bloggity i didn't want to share with the whole wide world. er, world wide web.)

3 months, 2 days.

i have no pictures here at work

i rarely do birthday posts, but I am obligated for my darling husband, right? RIGHT!

here are the oh-so-fun links of BIRTHDAYS PAST:

2005: 25 (click on black bar to see image)
2006: 26 ( i like-ah this one.)
2007: 27 (this one is fun too.)

man, we have been blogging awhile, huh?

and now, 2008.

things have changed a lot in this past year but one thing hasn't. you are old. no, just kidding.

i love my ninja. (that's the thing that hasn't changed in case you didn't get that.)

in fact, i may go as far to say I LOVE him more than last year. it's not every hubby who can deliver his own child and remain perfectly cool and collected while doing so... and, well, he looks pretty darn cute holding his offspring. again, like last year, we shall let him live to see another birthday.

and with that, i think we shall be a ninja vs. pirate for halloween this year. and nater? he shall be cute pirate booty.

oh, and natey natey nater nate is officially THREE MONTHS today as well.

3 months. (i am going to stop counting in weeks now. i think.)

monday was okay. tuesday was worse. monday, everyone was all "it's great to see you! you look great!" tuesday was all "time to work".

tuesday, around 11 i had a breakdown, burst into tears, and drove over to daycare for lunch time. i was PRETTY MUCH sobbing by the time i got there and just picked him up (he was awake in his crib) and loved on him. we rocked, he fell asleep and i just held him for like 20 or 30 minutes while he slept, i stopped crying (briefly!). i think i almost made his 'teacher' cry b/c i was so sad!! i was trying not to cry in front of his teachers but, ah, what can you do!?!? i was saaaaaaaaaad. hardy har har.

wednesday and today i was busy so they were better. well, they went faster anyway! pumping at work is still bizarre and i am pretty sure the baby is totally starting to prefer the bottle. so. there's that.

i have a REALLLLLY good post but I am exhasted. thanks for all your encouragement and well wishes. for now, here's a big hug from nater.

also, i sent my first 'scathing' email at work. and it felt GOOD! so that is positive!

13 weeks (3 months even tomorrow! karl's birthday tomorrow too! crap!)

i have survived

so i survived.

today was my first FULL DAY back at work (ok, i made it till 3 p.m.) (and got a stinking parking ticket.)

unfortunately, this weekend was riddled with coughing and runny noses (what the hell?) in our household. i feel HORRIBLE! and i never get sick. (joys of daycares?) I almost called in sick today. can one call in sick after being out for 12 weeks? i think not.

pumping at work is odd. and slightly uncomfortable. i felt like i was going to 'get caught.' i pump in "the morgue" (er, the lactation room?) which is a vault of all my company's archived publications. think: old library stacks with the spinny handles on the end to move the shelves.) guess i will never run out of reading material? our office space is all open doors and glass so there isn't even an office available. the morgue is the only door with a lock. very strange... but it beats a nasty bathroom! guess i will have to get used to it. or quit breastfeeding. but i am not ready for that yet! a friend sent me this wonderful book about working moms. it's helping. but still hard. i like my job, but i can't help but think about that little smile, oh, every fifteen minutes or so.

oh, and, yes, i live in the south. sometimes i forget. then my neighbor's SEVEN year old daughter runs into the truck on their four wheeler. the resulting gash will be fixed. by them. ugh. i HATE when stuff like this happens.

12 weeks, 4 days

we accidentally named our child after a rapper - sweet!

who knew? nate 'danjahandz' hills is a talented producer, composer, and songwriter!

do you think the baby will start responding to "danja" as a new name?

here's his first attempt at singing (please note before opening i am singing as well and it ain't that pretty - you may want to turn your volume down - but it IS entertaining as I know none of the words). I am a little embarrassed to post it, but , well, we're all blog family, right?

With no further ado, i present: Nate Can Sing!

we're thinking of getting him an agent.

12 weeks, 1 day

date night at casa de hills

karl and i had date night last night after the baby went to bed.

it included the following things:

• a bottle of red wine (ok, a glass for me. i am a pretty cheap date these days.)
  
• four toasted brown sugar and cinnamon poptarts
  
• the biggest loser 2 hour season opener

I was a happy girl.

Biggest Loser is Family this season - four married couples and four parent/child teams. It's an amazing dynamic and I am pretty excited about it. Oftentimes, they are training with their 'enablers' and i really enjoy watching them overcome their health issues together. i cried ALREADY - several times. it gets me every time! so silly. they estimated one of the 23-year-old's contestants 'inside body age' as 49! One couple lost 47 pounds this week. 47. i love that show. mostly because it promotes exercise and doesn't focus on diet too much. i know it's not realistic to expect the contestants to keep up that level of activity IRL but just getting them started and showing them that ACCOMPLISHED feeling/high after a workout.... i love it. it totally wants to make me become a bad ass trainer like Bob and/or Jillian. More Jillian than Bob, really. Though if I was picking a trainer for myself, I would want Bob. Hmmmm. Whatever. They are both amazing trainers. Ok, sorry off on my tangent. Oh, reality TV. what would i watch without you!?

the baby has been excessively happy and smiley today. i almost got a real laugh out loud moment of him this morning.

last week in STL, cousin Wendy (she is five.) said "His first word is "oooooooooo."

11 weeks, 6 days

we are family

i must report security at the STL airport = SO NICE. and they helped me repack/rearrange my stuff and the baby... so much easier. and someone on the plane actually offered to help me and the gate dude was not rude. YAY! i can safely confirm i will travel again w/ the babe (though going at it alone ... still a bit rough.)

above a few of the many photos we snapped in the lou - there are more, oh, yes, there are more. but these were some of my favs. mom has some on her camera as well.

this morning is nate's first day of school. i was all prepared not to cry after we dropped him off (karl was a good baby daddy and went with me for the first day.). i totally walked out the door and burst into tears! ha! no tears for his shots, but daycare is a whole other ordeal! he was pretty chill when we left.... i may or may not be counting down the minutes until i go back to pick him up. (we are doing half days this whole week to get used to the morning schedule and then full days next week when i return to work.)

OH, and ALSO, whenever you get the urge to chop off all your hair and you need to do it RIGHT THEN do not, I repeat, go to supercuts. yes, the hair will come off immediately and yes, it will only be $12.95. however, it will look horrible and you will cringe every time the sweet little stylist HACKS into your hair. on a plus note, i was able to donate 10 SOLID INCHES to locks of love. first person who says shit about my mom hair cut will get beat down. i might put up pictures, someday. it looks just awful! ha! but i had the urge and i couldn't wait! you know how i get impatient. plus, i can still pull it back. and well, that is how i roll, after all. oh, well, whatever.

11 weeks, 4 days

i have a ton of thoughts to post!

we are safely in the lou. it is a strictly family trip. we have been hanging with a ton of folks today - nate loves it. he was veeeeeery smiley and AWAKE all day long so i am crossing my fingers he sleeps tonight (very, very cranky baby this evening - i think he was expecting daddy-o and his own bed) ! i am editing some pictures and will post them soon!

ok, on to my nuggets of internet goodness (i have been storing them up so this might be long):

NUMERO UNO: here's a little ditty about BBQ. My dear, darling southern husband taught me that bbq, in fact, does not mean a gathering where hamburgers and hotdogs are cooked on a bbq pit. (it's a grill, i know, i know!) man, pork shoulder slathered in sauce sounds delish right now! there's a preggo craving that hasn't abated. that song made me laugh A LOT. oh what a yankee i used to be about meat.

NUMERO DOS: i accidentally bought those toilet drops ins that are blue. (they make your toilet water blue.) (usually i buy the clear ones.) karl says it like peeing in an old lady's house every time he goes. it makes me giggle and i have to agree. next we shall put specially cut pink fuzzy rugs around the base of the toilets. and place potpourri EVERYWHERE!

NUMERO TRES: karl and i saw THE most adorable movie. SON OF RAMBOW. see it. love it.

NUMERO QUATRO: we STILL haven't bought diapers. PRETTY AWESOME, right!? i mean he is 11 weeks old! (holy crap, he's 11 weeks old?!) (additionally, i do have some cloth nappies that we use sporadically... i just wasn't up to the challenge from the get-go. i am hoping to make them an evening and weekend affair as daycare does not allow them.)

NUMERO, er, (shit, do i have to google this, nope got it: CINCO!) CINCO: speaking of delicious southern delacacies, here is the new fair food. it's oddly intriguing - after all, i do love me a bacon-and-grape-jelly-toast sammy.

NUMERO SEIS (yep, had to look up the spelling of seis. i suck at spanish.) if i was still pregnant, i would want THIS SHIRT!

NUMERO NUEVE: Cycle 11 of ANTM (america's NEXT TOP MODEL) has begun. it is a ridiculous amount of awesome. in the worst way EVA. i am addicted. fantasy league begins after make overs. (can't. wait. for. make. overs.)

NUMERO DIEZ: i would like to mention that karl bought me a gorgeous sapphire and diamond neck-a-lace for our anniversary. he says it is part anniversary, part push present (for pushing out that baby!). The push present part is mostly a joke because we both find push presents a bit ridiculous (yet, oddly, hilarious and something we would like to participate in.) I am still on the hunt for a decent 'catch present!' bet most women don't have to buy their hubbies one of those!

NUMERO ELEVEN-O (yea, i'm sorry): I TOLD YOU MICHAEL PHELPS WAS A d-bag! TOTALLY AWESOME athlete, but i knew he was a skuzz-bag all along! you can't fool me with your long torso and muscly arms mister!

number 12 (i give up.) security was ROUGH today and i may have shed a tear. i realize it is 9-11 anniversary but can't they at least be nice? my ring sling set of the metal detectors and nate and i got a VERY thorough pat down. plus i took some pumped milk through and that was a problem. plus they wouldn't let karl go to the gate with me so i was all by my lonesome. (after TSA sent us BACK DOWN to check in to get a gate pass for him. that they refused to give us.) plus, aparantly on southwest airlines, you don't pre-board with kids. you "family-board" AFTER the entire "a group" boards. and the gate dude is a total prick about it if you try to ask about it and makes you stand there watching the TWO remaining a-groupers get on the plane. i thought people were supposed to be nice to mommas and babies traveling. ALL THAT BEING SAID, nate was an angel on the actual plane. i could sense the wariness in my seat partners, but he proved them wrong by not making a peep the whole flight. (and giving them a few smiles to boot. HA!)

lucky #13. i can tell that i am home because my level of dirty words has increased in volume (it is possible) and spilled over on to the blog. my grandpa (nate's great-gpa!) said "he is so fucking cute" no less than three times today.

pics to follow - here's a little teaser of isabel kathleen and nate patrick.

11 weeks

picnics and gorgeous weather

i do believe i shall complain about the weather less often - the weekend weather was perfection and i enjoyed it. (i guess SADs might not apply to me after all.) we went to a picnic hosted by Birthworks - the organization that provided our childbirth classes and who we found our doula/midwife through. it was very, very fun to see all the slings (well, and the babies in them of course). The above picture of Linda, a natural birth mama whose story inspired me when she came to share it with our class, and her little one Sebastian. (happiest. baby. ever.) she had a looooong labor and an OP baby (baby facing abdomen - some call it sunny side up and it's painful!) and delivered naturally with an awesome support team. it is nice to connect with couples at the same or similar place we are. it is also nice to try and not sound like a desperate stalker - WANT TO HANG OUT??!?! HERE'S MY EMAIL! we don't have a large # of friends with kiddos at the moment and we are looking forward to making some! :)

speaking of childbirth, this article (shared by Maria) caught my attention. how true it is. mostly, it's about the importance of being prepared. (god, i am such a good little boy scout sometimes it makes me sick.)

and, for the record, you do forget the pain! i am already like, 'it didn't hurt that bad.' (and sometimes i am seriously amazed (still!) that he just exploded out of me.)

today i took darth nater (that is what Karl wants him to be for Halloween by the way. light saber and all. yucko. my vote is a giraffe. please note: we are open to suggestions.) for a walk in his sling. we have been slinging him A LOT in preparation for travel - just to make sure he is super comfy in there. i am getting a leeeetle (read: LOT) nervous about the airplane. say a little prayer for me. and nate's ears with the popping. and the other passengers ears if there is screaming! and that the car seat gets there. and, um, whatever other oh-so-dramatic scenario i have envisioned. deep breathes for me - i know if i remain calm, he will remain calm. right? RIGHT! (ready? o-k.)

oh, and nate's shots were okay. the pedi helped me calm some of my vaccine fears. (read: SOME. still nervous.) nate was pissed - his first shots EVER - but he got over it pretty quick.... has been a little cranky/sleepy all weekend and into today....

and now for some stats: nate's officially weigh in was 12 pounds, 10.5 ounces and 23.5 inches long (isn't it weird how we say long until they can stand and then we say tall? strange, right?)

t-minus two weeks until i return to the 'real world.'

10 weeks, 4 days

saturday in the park

my funk continues.

i am hoping to snap out of it in time for the weekend.

apologies if you haven't heard from me in days... i am, in fact, alive. (and i am well. we are all well. i really shouldn't complain.)

i also really want some zebra cakes. (ew. who eats those!?)

and an enormous glass of milk.

i miss milk desperately.

(have been cutting back on dairy for the whole nursing thing - think nate has a slight sensitivity to it. (thankfully slight.) it seems to be helping nater boots (with the pimped out gucci suits) BUT god do i miss my 2%. come to think of it, maybe this is the sole cause of my funk.)

also - the rain from gustav appears to be coming to an end, leaving the air much cooler which i should try to ENJOY. instead, i freak out thinking of the impending chilliness... i swear i have seasonal affective disorder. (self-diagnosis is always 100% accurate, right!?)

oh AND plus naters and gravy has his first SHOTS EVER tomorrow (so far we have delayed all and we are not anti-vaccine so don't get your panties in a bunch) at the pedi's office and i want to vomit thinking about it. it's not so much the shots themselves but their aftermath. plus, who the HELL knows what vaccines are necessary and not and too much and not enough and delayed and combined and aluminum... ugh. i don't even want to think about it! how are you supposed to 'take a stand' for your child's medical care when YOU HAVE NO IDEA what any of it means. i read Dr. Sears alternative schedule. I still feel like i have no clue.

ok, sorry, getting heavy there. i am going close my pretty little head and sleep it off.

1o weeks.

nate's first road trip

we are back and we all survived.

the trip to tulsa was uneventful -we just hung out, ate food, and enjoyed eachothers company. the trip to tulsa was eventful because we got to introduce naterade to the tulsa friend family! it was wonderful (as expected). he tolerated the car ride pretty well. (it took a leeeeeeetle longer than anticipated and he was quite fussy at the end each way.... that is a long time to be strapped in a carseat... thank god i am flying to STL with him in a few weeks. ) he slept pretty well in tulsa and was only moderatly more fussy than normal with all the peoples.

gustav is causing some SERIOUS rain action in the great state of arkansas. it seems to fit my mood today. i don't want to step one foot out the door today.

i have nothing entertaining to tell you. I feel bogged down by cleaning (TOTALLY SPOILED BY THE CLEANING SERVICE we had coming every other week while i was preggo!).

i am just trying to enjoy baby nate in the final weeks before he starts daycare and i start work again. we met his 'teachers' and toured his 'classroom.' it's nice and i feel confident about leaving him there. boo. i am totally bipolar about the whole situation - some days i can't wait to go back to work, some days i can't imagine going back to work. but i am going! i know (for now) it is the right choice for me and our family. sigh.

9 weeks, 5 days