2.07.2007

Tired of fighting to SHINE

Tonight we had mini- showers for Susan (baby) and Serena (wedding) at Kim's (ole abpg co-workers and crews, past and present). It was pretty funny going from opening sexy nighties to cutesie onsies in such a short period of time!! I will send you girls the pics - the whole night was a wonderful stress reliever for me. Lots of laughter and catching up happening! kat = happy. (pic: meg, su, kat, aud, serena, alissa, kim)

source of strees:
So. I had a shit day yesterday. Specifically, at work yesterday. And I am still trying to get over it. The day started out awful and it just kept on keeping on. We had a surprise staff meeting and evaluations (we just had our annual performance reviews & they went great; I got a raise) and they expressed some concerns about me as an employee (why didn’t they tell me at the review last month? – I defiantly haven’t done anything less performance-wise in the past month.) I don’t have a problem with them expressing their concerns - if that is the way they feel I would like to know about it; I just wasn’t expecting it and overall think I have done A WHOLE BUNCH to further the success of this company and I felt “under surprise attack”. (Keep in mind I have received a 9% raise from this company over 1 years time and keep in mind that I have old bosses I still talk to on relatively frequent basis that adored me as an employee). The thing is I know that I am an amazing employee. (My boss actually used the words “bad employee”) I freaking like my job and I am freaking good at it. I would go as far as saying I am amazing at it. (I know we all have things we can improve and I have a lot to learn but I know without a doubt that I am good.) Basically, I feel like all the projects and quality work I have done in the past year are being overlooked b/c they want me to “get back to basics” (read: answer the phones, make copies, file crap). I know in a four-person office everyone has to do these menial tasks – if you’ve ever worked in a small office YOU KNOW, and I don’t complain about it EVER. I don’t even mind doing them. I just feel like if they want someone be “back to the basics” girl, it shouldn’t be me. I have A DEGREE. Sigh. 25 years old. Feel like I’m not getting anywhere. But I will do it. For the moment. The worst part about it was that I got upset in the meeting – like tears upset. How absolutely embarrassing and unprofessional. I felt like such a child. Like everything I have been working on to further myself/career was accumulating to not a whole lot (I know – insert overdramatic thinking here but at that exact moment it felt awful and I couldn’t be unemotional. I work OT and don’t get paid, I rarely take a lunch… maybe stupid on my part but I was enjoying working hared…Maybe I just wasn’t born to be in the business world – I need to toughen UP! Who cries in the face of criticism?!?!? UGH!). And now, I am nervous that they are tyring to force me to quit or are going to have to lay me off or something crazy because of things out of my control – that would be a first for me and not something I have ever had to worry about. (Hi Mom and Dad – welcome me to the real world???!? Where bosses do sneak attacks and people lost their jobs not based on performance?!?!?!)

I didn’t mean to say this much in such a public forum. (Trust me there was a lot I left out!) I don’t think that my employer reads this – but at this point I am not sure I am concerned about it. I guess if things are going to change in my company, there isn’t much I can do about it. How much longer do I have to “pay my dues” before I get somewhere career-wise? I know I look young – I probably always will – but TAKE ME SERIOUSLY PEOPLE. So frustrated – mostly because I ACTUALLY LIKE MY JOB!

please try and keep your comments clean! Audra and I went to HH yesterday and I came home and chatted on my phone to like 8 people, beer in hand – anyone who was forced to listen to me, I thank you. Anyone who actually made it through this entire rant, I thank you. I’m over it now. Kinda. Just weighing some options/trying to decide the best approach. Def. cutting out taking any work home, working through lunch, designing any websites for free. Advice welcome. Don't criticize too harshly; I might cry! ;)


11 comments:

Lauren said...

I'm so sorry to hear that happened! I am really bad about crying when I am being criticized. REALLY bad. I was babysitting the other day and the dad asked me (very nicely) to hand wash the sharp knives, rather than put them in the dishwasher, and I totally started tearing up. Sensitive much? Sheesh. I have too much to say on this topic. I'm emailing you!

melissa said...

That is crazy and I am very sorry to hear that! I feel your pain working in an environment where you get treated the same way if you work your butt off or just do nothing all day. It is very frustrating and there is no motivation! I don't understand what kind of employer (speaking in general) thinks that that is a good approach to management?? I can't imagine working as hard as it sounds like you are and being criticized. I probably would have reacted in the same way (despite my hard outer shell I can be very sensitive on the inside :)...I wouldn't worry about that part too much. I hope things work out...an d keep doing great work and perhaps you can find another company who will appreciate it. It is very easy to get sucked into the minimal work attitude when that is what you are surrounded by!

melissa haney said...

kat, that sucks, mama. there's nothing worse than busting ass for zero gratitude. that's exactly how it was at my old job. stay tough. you're a gem, and if they don't know it by now, they will when you find a better job and leave. xox

Leah Billings said...

First of all, You are Fantastic!! It is no fault of your own if your boss has a hard time remembering that.
Secondly, I certainly can't say that I know how you are feeling, but I did spend my share of time working in an office under a boss who was a little mean at times. I totally would have cried too! I can say that I remember how icky it felt to have to go back there after similar situations, so I am sorry that you've been put in that place (esp. since you liked your job!!) Here's to hoping that things brighten up for you soon. Love you!

leslie said...

I agree with Leah - YOU ARE WONDERFUL!!!!

I so understand - my last boss was a horrible person and was critical of everything I did. I was guitly of a few tears also, but then again I am a girl. I hope that either your boss comes around to see how fantastic you are or that you are able to find a company to appreciate your hard work and efforts.

Love ya!

Jennifer said...

DOCUMENT EVERYTHING YOU DO! EVERYTHING....

I enjoy lawsuits

Jennifer said...

oh and I'll come down there if you need me to!

Susan said...

The important thing is you know YOU ARE GOOD! Don't forget or doubt it for a sec. As a former co-worker, and please believe we did everything together at ABPG, I know you are awesome. Hell if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have gotten into my role! Seriously, they need to wake up!

Paul said...

i'm sorry that i wasnt available to talk and that we havent gotten to. i am calling you tomorrow sometime, if you are free. that is ballz, and i know why you are mad at yourself, but dont be too tough on yourself, i would have cried too. i love you and i awant to TALK TO YOU
b

Paul said...

oh crap i am signed in as paul!

Bridget said...

Now you know I will drive down there and smack a hoe. I have done it before and will do it again. You just let me know. I'm there.