the love and the hate about leaving the office

there are many things i will love/hate about leaving the office:

1. meter man! we are dear friends with the meter man - a very powerful position on the mean streets of downtown LR. he comes in the office when he is on our beat and we announce his arrival. half the office goes running to plug their meters with nickels and dimes for another ticket-free hour or so. our front desk used to announce "METERMANZHERE" on the intercom thingy until someone (ahem, upper mgmt) decided this sounded unprofessional to say when there are visitors in the building (i quite believe the visitors appreciated this reminder, professional or not.) Anyway they wanted us to come up with A CODE. (shhhhh) so we hear "John H____ is in the building." One time, we had a temp up front and she said "JOHN HORNY IS IN THE BUILDING". i do believe the whole office errupted in snorts. i will miss that meter man.

2. THE BUMS. oh the bums. i love them. there was the one who passed out in the street, yelling I JUST GOT OUT OF JAIL! and weaving in and out of traffic when the cops came to retrieve him. OR the crazy lady on the bench outside of Iriana's Pizza who yelled and pointed at us "You've got the ticket! You've got the ticket!" at top volume. OR the best BUM EVER: the man who had three things. 1. a bike. 2. a forty. 3. a weed eater. he tried to ride the bike down an alley whilst carrying both the weed eater and the forty. he tried and he tried and he tried. we laughed and we laughed and we laughed. he was UNsuccessful. finally he sat down and finished that forty.

3. the car wrecks. for some reason the intersection of 2nd&Scott sees a lot of traffic accidents. we can hear them. that SCREEEEEEEEEEEEECH CRASH (cring, run to window) sound. several cars have run INTO our building and one accident involved a cab and a trolley. that one was fun.

4. sharing space with the Block 2 Lofts who are under different management every other week, sometimes forget to pay their electric bills (putting out our power), and constantly set off one alarm or another so we have to evacuate the building. (usually around 12 when many of the scruffy night owls that live in B2 are just waking up. they are in their pjs. we are in our suits and dresses.)

5. my agate ruler pica pole. lined post it sticky pads. big fatty sharpies. (oh, office supplies. i do love you.)

6. high priority emails. (THERE IS PIZZA IN THE KITCHEN! BIG RED EXCLAMATION POINT! DID SOMEONE BORROW (read: steal) MY ICE PACK? HIGH PRIORITY!! WE NEED TO HAVE A MEETING ABOUT WHY WE ARE CANCELLING TOMORROWS MEETING! HIGH HIGH HIGHEST PRIORITY. PLEASE STOP PARKING ON THE TROLLEY TRACKS! HIGH PRIORITY (ok, this one might be legit as when the trolley can't get by b/c of a street-parked car it toot-toot-toots it's little tooter until someone comes out to move their vehicle. it's a sad little toot. and patheticly long and tooty when it's angry. but not loud. never loud. just high pitched. toot. toot. tooooooooot. okay, that 's enough tooting.) (toot.)

7. fiestas! my office tends to supply us with food and alcohol (and fake mooooustaches) on a regular basis. it's super nice. we have this committee (ahem, the tweak committee. wanna be a tweaker?) who plans these fun fests. we have regular fiestas for events such as the SuperBowl, the 2nd Friday of the month, Random Day of the Week. I may have one time seen my uber-conservative boss make a swirly margarita/daquari mix. tee hee. the tweak committee may have accidentally DOUBLED (plus some) the tequila volume last time we rented the machine. (oops. apparently we have been out of college too long to differentiate b/w a .75 and a 1.75.)

8. walking to the RiverMarket for lunch time fun. Boulevard, Stickyz (oh creamy dill!), the Saucer, SportsPage, Iriana's. It's not like these places will be forever lost to me but I won't be within walking distance for the first time in 5 or so years. And I won't get to stomp out of the office b/c so-and-so coworker has made me want to scream and i just have to get out of there with my team RIGHT NOW so we can all go bitch about so-and-so. sigh. i will miss that. i love a good bitch session.

9. being the first one in!! let me tell you people, i TRY to be late to my job somedays. but i WITHOUT FAIL beat my other two team members into the office. every. single. day. pre pregnancy. post pregnancy. whenever. all the time. unless i am sick (ha), i am always first there. this week, on tuesday, i thought "since it is my last week, i am going to be the last one there." i showered, dried my hair, watched way more GMA than normal, got breakfast at community bakery, dropped nate off at daycare, played there for a bit. strolled in the door. STILL THERE FIRST. dammit. (i tried.)

that is all (well, not all that i will miss, but all for this post, right now.). i have no outstanding conclusion paragraph.

the bangs ARE MULTIPLYING. (but only on the one side.)

the anxiety and reality of receiving my last full pay check today has exhausted me and i can blog no longer.

good night.


Rina said...

Ahhhh hahahahahahahah "toot-toot-toots it's little tooter" made me pee a little.

melissa said...

i'm sure there's a couple of things you won't miss, too... but way to keep it positive, popsicle. :) xo

nicole said...

Love this post! Might I offer a few suggestions?

1. Make off with that ruler thingy you love and as many "good pens" and notepads as you can. Seriously, they will not notice. If they DO notice, what can they do, fire you?

2. Embrace your bangs, mama. Lookin' good. (And, for the record, I would kill to have your skin.)

3. Enjoy your new gig as a stay-at-home mom. Considering you've spent five+ years holding down a full-time, 9-to-5er, I'd say you've earned the right to watch GMA in its entirety, from here on out. Congrats on that... and best of luck. xo.

Bridget said...

About the bangs in my experience when those finally grow out there will be more and more and more to follow. It didn't happen until I had children. I hope you have better luck then I have had.

Jennifer said...

I loved this post. I laughed outloud several times. Love you.

Stacia said...

funny! I grew up with meter man's daughter, spent the night at his house...small world, eh?

enjoy your times with Nate!

Lauryl Lane said...

your bangs make me laugh, they are half wonderful-adorable and half hysterically funny. and ps. i like your list. ;)

Susan said...

Rest assured, you will not forget these things. With the exception of the margarita machine (Why the HELL didn't we do that when I was there!? I demand an answer!) I smiled and clearly remembered most of your list. We can go down to the Rivermarket for lunch and invite your "team" and listen in on bitch sessions. However, in like 3 months time, you won't know a soul they're talking about!

Megan said...

Love your list, I miss most of those things about AB, too. My favorite bum story: I was answering phones, bum opens door, sings "wanted dead or alive", then leaves. Mikaltodd and I just cracked up at the poor bum.

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