dear post pregnancy body

dear post pregnancy body,

i do not mind the extra flab around the tummy.

i do not mind the weight i put BACK ON after quitting breastfeeding. (sigh.)

i do not mind my hair falling out in clumps for weeks and weeks post-partum.

all of these things i can handle.

but I DO MIND these pseudo-bangs. WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE STUPID WISPYS?! THEY ARE ONLY ON ONE SIDE OF MY HEAD. AND THEY DONT EVEN COVER HALF OF MY FOREHEAD. I don't get it. i look like a freaking sixth grader. where did they come from? why are they here? and what am i supposed to do with them?

every time i look in the mirror i want to scream. (or take the scissors to them.)

i have NEVER had bangs and i don't intend to start now. it feels weird to even say the word. BANGS. i am that unstylish. it makes me shudder a little. BANGS. who even picked that word to describe hair fringe? (bang. bang. bang.)

(and don't you dare say it's hair it will grow out!)

i know there are more important issues in the world, but really hair? really?