firecracker firecraker boom boom BOOM!

it's july.

say it again, with me this time, IT'S JULY!

now put the brown paper bag over your mouth and continue hyperventilating.

i can not wrap my mind around the fact that i haven't worked since May, what, 3rd... sometime in the first week of may? that is TWO months. TWO MONTHS of unemployment. by choice. I have not NOT worked since i was 15 and a half. i started in the catering business before i could even drive legally. the summer karl and i met (whilst in college)? he drank margaritas by the pool all day and worked on his tan and running up his credit card debt; i had two jobs (one full time 8-5 office job and one hostessing job at a restaurant three nights a week). i think i slept a total of 12 hours that entire summer. seriously. unemployment is not in my bones.

i am still struggling with this new stay at home identity. mostly, i love it with my whole heart and if i think too much about how much work karl does to make it possible i get a little emotional about the whole thing (and i do admit to still feeling a little guilt for not contributing in a monetary kind of way at the moment.). i also somedays freak out that i won't be able to find a job when i am ready to go back - part time or otherwise.

but i am making the most of it and trying desperately to enjoy these fleeting baby moments. last week we went to story hour at the library, free movies at our local theater, the pool, playtime in the park.... next week we are doing some more swimming and a puppet show... it is definately more difficult than i anticipated to simply GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. somedays i have to force myself to do it. it makes for a happier mama and a happier child. (i am not a homebody; i like PEOPLE AND PLACES, but not, um, spending money.) i won't tell you my child is an angel as that would be a lie. somedays i just want him to nap an extra hour... hell, an extra minute. he can be whiney and clingy and he tries to kiss/eat the dogs every five minutes (we PET the dogs, PET the dogs. no, don't pull on his face.) (the dogs have taken to running away and holeing up in the bedroom.) this whole thing - this whole forming and influencing and teaching another person is completely bizarre.

somedays i can not wrap my mind around the fact that i have a one year old.

today, for the fourth of july we are truly celebrating like a hallmark card (hot dogs on the grill, watermelon, a slip n slide and sprinkler, brownies, and some sparklers!)
(oh, and, maybe some budweiser product... though arguably not quite as american of a beer as it used to be.) appropriately, our neighbors kids will be here with their fireworks - they think we are the COOLEST to hang around. i anticipate an entertaining and happy evening.

i can not wrap my mind around the fact that 2009 is more than halfway over. i know people say that time goes faster the older you get but i have never been more aware (or unaware?) of that FACT as this year.

really, how did it get to be july?


sdhorton said...

I think I would get bored after a while of being home full time but part time would be awesome. Enjoy your fourth. We are almost to the beach!

Sarah said...

love this post you stay-at-home-mummy. you're doing a great job. i am sure such a life change does require a great deal of adjustment. my mom always told me that being a stay at home was the hardest job in the world, but worth it in every way. (of course right? I WAS HER KID.)

i also love that i can actually hear the words "we PET the dogs, PET the dogs. no, don't pull on his face" coming out of your mouth.

Susan said...

You ARE contributing to the money situation. Remember that. Think how much you are SAVING by NOT paying daycare. What puppet show? Sounds fun.

Rina said...

The baby and I totally don't get out enough either...it's a lot of work and we get a lot of rain where I live! And we only have 1 car. So that sort of makes it hard.

This year is FLYING by, seriously. Ridiculous.

Lauryl Lane said...

i agree... where does time go? seriously?

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