10.07.2011

We're still adjusting to life on the outside.

I've been trying to write down some thoughts and feelings from her birth but they're still pretty jumbled in my head.  It was insane.  I will tell you one thing: I am so ridiculously happy to be UN-pregnant.  I hope that doesn't make me sound terrible as I am appreciative and grateful that I carried this healthy, gorgeous baby to term but JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH I wanted that child out.  When your first baby comes at 38 weeks and you're second at 42...

For those of you that don't know (and, trust me, I talked to very few people about it), my grandmother passed away last Thursday.   I haven't really talked about it b/c I'm still sad and angry about the whole situation (her passing was not entirely unexpected as she's been sick for the last few months...this is my maternal grandmother who lost her husband - my grandfather - last November and was not sick at the time of his death) and, at the time it happened, I was UNABLE to drive to St. Louis (I called my midwife and asked her if she'd be up for a road trip birth but she said no.) and be with the rest of my family AND UNABLE to produce a child from my insides.  Mostly, I spent a lot of time last weekend crying and talking to my midwives and walking (miles and miles people) and avoiding the world and the ever-present "are you still pregnant" question and trying to block out my own concerns and others regarding post-date babies. 

My grandmother's wake was Monday and I spent a long time being angry I wasn't there and knowing that everyone was asking excitedly about the baby that I had yet to produce.  Her funeral was Tuesday morning, mere hours after Nora Kate shot out.  I feel like, if anything, Nora was a bit of great news on a horribly sad day.  I'm still processing the fact that I wasn't there but I can't change it.   And, well, Nora is just gorgeous and it's hard not to be happy when you see this:

Hello from NK. 

So, what do you guys want to know?  

I DID get to watch my labor video and it was PERFECT.  We watched it almost immediately after she came out when the whole room (me, karl, nora kate, the midwives) needed to CALM THE HELL DOWN.   It took us ALL to a much calmer place and I can't thank you guys enough for sending in pictures and videos and sharing your sweet babies and thoughts with us.  It's set to music and amazing and I'm going to find a way to share it but I'm not sure how yet - all babies and mamas private parts are covered up and no babies are named but I am still going to password protect it for viewing.... and I'm going to add some video and photos at the end of NK's story.  I'll let you know details. 

What else?  

I'm recovering.   I'm still processing what happened.  It's going to take awhile (forever?).  I definitely feel more than a little bit like a freak of nature.  I keep remembering all the jokes we made about how this birth couldn't possibly go any faster than Nate's birth (ha bloody ha).   Poor Karl.   I can't stop hearing Karl saying... "You're fine.  I'm fine.  We've done this before.  Go ahead and push out the baby" as my legs were shaking and I'm hollering and praying the neighbors don't think someone is getting murdered at our house at 3 a.m.  (All the windows were open and the attic fan was on.)    Do you guys want to hear more?   I wish I had a recording of him on the phone with our midwife when he called her back to see where she was.  He said "It's happening again" in such a resigned voice.... like not really worried about the situation but just stating the facts.) 

What else? 

NK is nursing like a freaking champ and looking decidedly less jaundiced than Nate.   We haven't seen the pediatrician yet or filled out a birth certificate but there's time for all that.  We're too busy staring. 


16 comments:

The Smiths said...

That picture about brought me to tears. Those newborn eyes, those newborn cheeks. I want another right now (not really) because K is already past that stage! So sorry about your grandmother. I know that has to be a horrible feeling no matter what other things were going on. Glad everyone is healthy and Karl has the temperament he does. Coby would be passed out on the kitchen floor. Next post I want to see a brother sister pic!

Lauryl Lane said...

Precious! So sorry to hear about your grandmother. As one life is taken away, another new one is given. I suppose it's all rather beautiful from a certain perspective. Hoping Nora brings you peace amidst the grieving. Lots of love-- and she is GORGEOUS! xoxo

Eve said...

I want to know when the midwife did get there. did you leave the umbilical cord attached til she got there?
I bet you were so scared. I am truly in awe that you have birthed both of your babes at home with Dr. Karl. How's Nate taking to Nora?

Melissa said...

Those CHEEKS! cuteness

Aubrey said...

What a beauty. Love that face. Please kiss it for me.

Jennifer said...

I want to get my hands on her RIGHT NOW! Can't wait to meet that beautiful baby and give you a huge hug!

We love you so much and are so sorry about your Grandma. Can't wait to see you very, very soon!

Jax said...

"It's happening again..." Aww....

I am so sorry about your grandmother, friend. Nora is definitely a demonstration of the circle of life... Beautiful baby on an otherwise sad day. Love you, friend.

And love Nora, too. :) And Nate. And Karl. And Arlo and Roxy. Woof.

sarabethjones said...

I love you SO MUCH. you and your having babies at home self.

Cannot wait for the whole story!!!

sdhorton said...

So so sorry about your grandmother and the timing of it all. Nora Kate is awesome. :)

sdhorton said...

Oh and you are pretty awesome too!

Kelcie said...

She looks like Nate! Precious.

Ashley said...

Awww, little Nora Kate is gorgeous!! I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother :( How frustrating for things to be so out of your control. And Karl, with the resigned phone call to the midwife. Bless him. xoxo

Misty said...

Ditto to what everyone else said ;)

Kate said...

so sorry about your grandmother. wishing you all the best getting through these crazy first weeks.

nicole said...

My (maternal) grandmother is sick, too, and it's so hard (impossible, really) to come to terms with the fact that I might lose her soon. I'm thinking about you, Kat, and I'm so sorry for your loss.

What a gift it was for Nora Kate to make her appearance on a day you needed her most. You know? Like she knew her mama needed her. Enjoy your beautiful daughter. Congrats! Can't wait to hear more about her birth story. xo.

Not Quite What I Expected said...

Congratulations--and condolences. (You have me very excited about also being NOT PREGNANT in, um, 6 months.) I missed my grandfather's funeral when I was pregnant with my first, and it was, as you say, so hard to not be there, to not have a formal goodbye. Don't know if you'd be into this, but maybe you could do a little Day of the Dead tribute in a few weeks--complete with those cute/creepy little statuettes?...