4.23.2009

so, yep, i quit my job.

i don't really know what to say. i don't know how to explain how i need to do this right now. how it feels right in my bones.

i am officially joining the ranks of the stay at home mamas. initially, i also have the opportunity to help out my inlaws for awhile.

i went back to work after maternity leave. i tried and i tried hard. i have been back for eight months and it just hasn't gotten easier. if anything, it has intensified for me lately. (thank you, marketing director at local commercial real estate agency that made me want to drive my car into a wall today!) (nah, not really. it's not the work; my job was fine though i was having difficulty getting invested with clients and campaigns and meetings and the such like my prior work self). it's not guilt of NOT being with the baby (though there was quite a bit of that in the beginning), it's the desire to be with him that is driving me.

i close my eyes and see nate in a swimming pool, nate running (ok, that is a stretch... stumbling...) through a sprinkler, nate with red popsicle juice dripping down his face, nate slathered in sunscreen, nate reading books at the library. (sorry - summer is on the brain. it hit 90 degrees here today.) and you know what? i also see nate screaming and nate whining and nate with runny noses and shitty diapers. (literally. yuck-o.) and me sighing and sucking it up and maybe tying a clean shirt around my face to keep from gagging and wishing i was at work bitching about crappy ad images and slacker designers.

as one of the first of my close-knit group to have a baby, this feels like something CRAZY though there are mamas everywhere that do it and struggle with this same decision. some work by choice and/or by necessity and some stay home by choice and/or by necessity. everyone's situation and desires are so different, right?!!? (thankfully, my close-knits have started popping out babies so we can change and grow as mamas together.)

this whole work life balance thing is crazy. karl is busy all the time - with work, with new projects, with everything. our house is constantly filthy (not dirty. filthy.), our food is generally take out (hello twenty extra pounds!), we can't figure out who is going to take nate to the doctor or stay home with him when he is sick, our stress levels have been (on and off) outrageous. this needs to happen. so maybe right now i am choosing the life part so karl can focus on the work part. is that a balance? does that sound naive? ha. not sure, but we are going to find out.

i have to try it. i have to give it a go. for all our sanity. i feel quite lucky and thankful that we are able to do this right now. as i have told many people (ahem, mom!), it's not like i will never go back to work (and, yes, i realize what the unemployment rate currently is and how 'bad' the economy is currently.) but it's a risk we are going to take. (and, if you believe it, we do have a bit of a safety net.)

so, yep, here i am in a city i never thought i would be in (5 years later, thank you very much), married to a man i never thought i would marry (first date at the whataburger for breakfast toquitos at 3 am, what! what!), doing something i dreamed about (staying home with my babies) but never really thought would happen.

so there's that. (this is my new favorite expression by the way.) (you don't say it matter-of-factly; you say it dryly like i'm-just-throwing-it-out-there.) (go on, try it again.) so there's that.

i need to see.

it feels a little like jumping off a cliff. (deep breath, GO.) (or, well, what i imagine jumping off a cliff might feel like as i am not familiar with people that actually do that.)

(it's exciting. i am excited. we're excited.)

hope you stay with us. i promise not to cover you in snot-filled and crusty-faced kid news for all of eternity.

9 months, 4 weeks.


24 comments:

Natalie said...

I feel you. I went through the same thing..sort of. Imagine quitting a job you've worked your whole life for, to move across the world to be with a guy you've only dated 6 months or so(and actually only about 1 or 2 in person)....Try explaining THAT to your parents! Ha. If it makes you feel any better, I cried when I told my bosses. Lame, I know. But congrats! We are so excited for you guys!

sdhorton said...

I think it's awesome and I don't think you will regret it at all with all the time you will have with Nate. It definately would make things a lot easier for you. So, Congrats! and maybe we could do a play date on a Friday now!

Maria said...

Good for you! I stayed home for nine months and went nuts, but lately I have been wishing I could be at home with The Boy again... until he does something insane. Like empty the potty chair himself... when I am not looking... and I am wiping pee up from ALL OVER the bathroom. Seriously? How did it get on the ceiling? LOL! OK, that story, while true, was for a laugh! Have fun stumbling through the sprinkler with nate!

Angela said...

I think it's fantastic Kat and I hope you love it!

brooke said...

Horrah! As I said before, color me green. But, seriously, I think this is such a great thing you're able to do for yourself and your family. I've read before that there's really no such thing as a work-life balance, that something always has to give, and that we're generally fooling ourselves if we think we're doing both to the fullest. So here's to you for taking that leap!

Jennifer said...

You know how I feel about it. I know it is a scary leap but I think most really worthwhile things we do in life are going to be a little scary, right? You are doing whats best for your family and I completely support you. Also I see nate and you and me and the little one in a pool sometime over my maternity leave (a very private pool as there is NO way I will be venturing into a bathing suit anytime in the next 4 years). "So there's that"

m-m-m-melissa said...

i love you, mama. you are a wise owl and and a tough cookie. this will turn out to be a fantastic decision.

xo to the moon.

p.s. i ain't poppin' out no babies but it sure is fun watching you guys do it. ;)

Leah Billings said...

Cheers to you, lady! You have a big heart and lots of courage. Here's to cherry popsicles, library books and less stress. :)

Stacia said...

this is super! I hope your summer with Nate is great!

Jax said...

Love you, chica! I'm proud of you for making this decision b/c it sounds like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders as I read through the blog post. Excited for more posting featuring Nateriffic's adventures with mommy over the summer and beyond! Since my mom was a teacher (and off all summer), I understand what you mean.. She was always the one who took me to the library, took my friends and I to the pool, etc and I wouldnt trade those memories for anything. :)You rock!

Megan said...

it's a personal decision for every mom out there, dude. i'm so glad that you'll be able to stay home with him. i think that's what every mother really wants to do, but usually can't because they have to work. i think you're incredibly lucky that you have this opportunity for a while. kiss nate (or baby megan, as i still secrety call him) for me.

sasspot said...

oh i am just so very happy for you. while at the same time, like brooke, so green with envy. in fact, if my job did not offer the flexibility that it does, i don't know what i would do. thank heavens.

i know deep down in my heart that this is the best thing for you guys. while i am sure that it is scary, just remember that it is a true blessing. i am so glad that you are able to do it and watch nater grow! you are going to be awesome and i cannot wait to read all about this adventure. and text about it. and talk about it. oh the dialogue! why don't we write a sitcom?

i'm glad that you will have seen both sides of the fence too... so you can support we working ones and tell us that it will be okay. and you can offer us a glimpse into the stay at home side as well because if any of us venture that route, you'll have been there, done that as well. (i bet you love being the first at everything. pregnancy. labor. new-mom. breastfeeding. weaning. working. staying at home.)

love you babe! so happy for you.

sasspot said...

ps. my hair is coming out by the handful

{lauryl} said...

bully for you! ;)

Andrea said...

I'm going through a sort of similar situation right now...I understand. It sound like this is the best decision for you and your family.

Reading your description of Nate running through the yard with popsicle juice on him was quite possibly the sweetest thing I've read in a long time.

You're going to soak up life for a while and really enjoy it. Can't wait to read the next chapter. :)

sarabethjones said...

Kat - I don't know you but wanted to wish you well with this - it's a hard decision but a good one. It's such a precious time when they are small; there were plenty of days when I wanted out, but looking back, I am so glad I had all that time with them then (they are 7, 10, and 11 now, and I am ready to run away from the middle schooler most days...)

pennythequeen/queeniep said...

How great for you both and little Nate.
I am so excited for you. Enjoy those little snuggles in the morning and his sloppy kisses after lunch. Play outside and rememeber that you will turn around and he will be at TU.

megan mcniff said...

kat.... you are a trailblazer for all of us and it sounds like this is what your family needs (and also, you!!). i am green as well but it will be nice to know someone has been there and seen it and can offer advice. enjoy your time with nate dog and taking care of the clan. don't forget to take care of yourself as well. good luck with everything! as your friend said, i'm looking forward to the summer posts and pictures!

Mama Bear said...

DO IT!!!! Best thing you'll ever do - I promise.

And I always said I'd go back to work too...but I can't see myself doing that until the Baby Bear is in school!

clif, somer, vivian & bauer said...

currently "on the road", but will be back in town next week. feel up to one of your first sahm play dates?! ;)

Amy, David and Caroline said...

Yay, I am so happy that you were able to do this. I do stay home with Caroline, however, I still manage to work non-stop from home!! We have some hard days sometimes, but I wouldn't change it for the world. She will start Mother's Day Out in September, but I will have baby brother with me :) My favorite part is getting to wear t-shirts and lounge pants everyday!!! You will never regret this decision!!

waynette said...

You see how big my Nate is – you have seen him grow a foot in the past year – so you sort of seen how things go so quickly! I know that can't be repeated enough. I am sorry that an accident to a family member happened but I think it is wonderful you will have some time with your Nate. I will miss you though and miss your laugh/smile.

waynette

theknorrs said...

welcome to the world of the sahm! the stories you will have from being around your nate so much will make for some funny blog posts i'm sure. some days i think i'm nuts for staying home with my nate and jilly, but i can't imagine being away from them either. good luck!

Anonymous said...

I did it and it was the best for my kids and our personal situation. I went back to work after my youngest went to kindergarten.
My only suggestion is to make sure that you keep yourself up to date when it comes to new technology; trends or whatever is important in the field that you want to go back to eventually. I made sure to be active in volunteer organizations with positions of responsibility etc so that it could translate into "job experience." The time gap on your resume can be explained without much difficulty if you can show you are still up to snuff.
The fact that your child will sleep until he wants to wake up; doesn't have other kids at daycare snatching his food etc is priceless. The great moments you will have with him daily are some that you will remember forever.