focus on the happy

Dear Lord, you all.

I haven't been able to FOCUS at all.

I think, for the most part, I've just been ridiculously happy as of late and maybe a little part of me is afraid to say "Hey!  Look at me!  I'm happy!" because... well... I don't really know why.  Perhaps because several not-at-all-happy things happened in 2011?!  Perhaps because it's just hard for me to say that out loud?!  I know, I know, it's RIDICULOUS... but it's so UNLIKE me to not have a litany of complaints on the tip of my tongue.

(Not that I was unhappy before.  But, you know, I'm an over-analyzer.)

I've just got this crazy baby-fierce love thing going on right now with Nora Kate that blocks out a lot of my life's seemingly smaller problems.  I think it's A LOT because, after she came out, I had this weird "We're done having kids" feeling.   I know it sounds crazy but I do sort of feel like our little family unit is done.  Karl says that the baby is too young to make any permanent decisions (HA!  Since I was the one who originally wanted 5 kids and he was more the "we'll see after the first one" type.).  I'm definitely not completely ruling out future babies (of my own body or of the adoptive variety... I definitely can NOT fathom going through pregnancy and labor again.), but I do have a strong no-more feeling.

 So... I'm constantly thinking "This is the last time I'll ever have a baby this small" (I REALLY feel like it is!)  or "This is the last time I'll be getting up at night to nurse a baby." Three months in and I still  seriously look forward to our nighttime nursing sessions - she really only has one and I use it as my excuse to keep her in the bed with me.... because the co-sleeper that ATTACHES to our bed is apparently too far away.  (If you guys KNEW the musical beds that happened in our house you might be horrified.  What can I say?  We like sleeping with our kids.  And one day they won't want to sleep with us!)  

Basically, I want to be all selfish and soak her in and enjoy her and lay in bed with her all day.  I know I DID those things with Nate but, well, he was the first so we spent a lot more time concerned about things like IS HE BREATHING?!  or WHY IS HE BREATHING LIKE THAT?!?  Everything seemed a bit more stressful with him.  I can't decide if the difference is that NK is an easier baby or that I'm a more relaxed parent.   Or perhaps (and most likely) a little bit of both.    Plus, I think, with Nate, I KNEW we would be doing the whole baby thing again.  

And, really, if I could guarantee that all subsequent children would be as easy as NK, I might consider having, say, ten more?!  (Er... maybe just the one more.)

I mean, let's face it.  Karl and I make adorable babies.   


Aubrey said...

It takes a LOT more than that to make me vomit, friend! Soak up that baby time and revel in the moment -- you are Karl do make gorgeous children.

And frankly, I love the happy happy joy joy post. So often blogs (especially those of women with children) are all about the complaints. Sometimes it's just plain refreshing to hear about all the good stuff. Love love!

Kelli said...

I've heard so many people talk about how the second child is so much easier. And I know this to be a fact, because I have zero kids of my own. But, I think once you get past the 'everything crazy that happens is actually normal,' it's much easier to just enjoy the moments with the kids. Plus, she's pretty much a doll and who wouldn't love that?

Andrea said...

I totally get it and am feeling the same way. I just enjoy and soak in so much more of the baby-ness with my Toosie.

I am also feeling that this could be our last baby and I'm perfectly content and good with that.

Herryponting said...

Nice to giving words..
Cobra Capsule

jessica said...

It is so refreshing to hear people say they are happy! Yay you! This makes me want a baby. Last night's discussion with girlfriends about pooping and delivery had me thinking otherwise.