dear post pregnancy body

dear post pregnancy body,

i do not mind the extra flab around the tummy.

i do not mind the weight i put BACK ON after quitting breastfeeding. (sigh.)

i do not mind my hair falling out in clumps for weeks and weeks post-partum.

all of these things i can handle.

but I DO MIND these pseudo-bangs. WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE STUPID WISPYS?! THEY ARE ONLY ON ONE SIDE OF MY HEAD. AND THEY DONT EVEN COVER HALF OF MY FOREHEAD. I don't get it. i look like a freaking sixth grader. where did they come from? why are they here? and what am i supposed to do with them?

every time i look in the mirror i want to scream. (or take the scissors to them.)

i have NEVER had bangs and i don't intend to start now. it feels weird to even say the word. BANGS. i am that unstylish. it makes me shudder a little. BANGS. who even picked that word to describe hair fringe? (bang. bang. bang.)

(and don't you dare say it's hair it will grow out!)

i know there are more important issues in the world, but really hair? really?


Sarah said...

this made me laugh! i wonder what i am up against... we shall soon find out!

thanks for the messages about lucia. she cannot wait to meet you!

sdhorton said...

Too funny! I totally have some of the things you described and DO actually mind them but I was fortunate not to have the hair stuff. My hair was thick to begin with and probably only got thicker which I really don't like. I did get more gray hair...go figure. Alls I knows is it is pretty common. And....I guess maybe not put your hair back....um until it does grow out. I know that does not help.sorry. no one tells you these things right...not like it would change anything.

Anonymous said...

hahaha! me=laughing. You look like Rory Gilmore in that picture (that's a compliment). Sorry about yer bangs

melissa said...

dude, i'm so sorry. if it's any consolation at all, you look f*cking adorable. :) xo

Jennifer said...

I think you should get a can of Aquanet and see how high you can get them!

Elizabeth Spann said...

I'm giggling at my desk. Can't stop. That picture is too cute, you look so pissed at your new bangs.

Lauryl Lane said...

that picture is hysterical! are you sure that nater didn't get ahold of some scissors while you were taking a nap? ;)

Anonymous said...

They look much better than the time I cut your hair right before Cross Country team pics... :)

Anonymous said...

So funny... and I'm so sorry.

This happened to me once when some of my hair was burned off during a perm.

It grows out. It takes forever. I am sorry.

Anonymous said...

Kat, I know you don't know me, but I love your blog! I'm friends with Jax. Anyway...I am 13wks preggo and I am starting to sprout these weird ass psuedo bangs as well. I'm like, wtf, do I cut them, shave them...WHAT?!?

Aubrey said...

I HAVE THOSE TOO! They are approximately two inches long, so they currently stick STRAIGHT UP. Warning: It's going to get worse before it gets better. Sorry my friend.

Interestingly, I'm not sure if they are seriously late aftershocks from Ella or if these suckers sprouted about the same time Kate was conceived, but I am ready for them to be GONE.

Anonymous said...

I gained all my weight back when I stopped breastfeeding too. Le sigh. HUMPPPFFTTT.

mercurial mary said...

Postpreg Bangs FTW!!!!

You made me laugh so hard the ladies in the pick up line at school think I'm even weirder than they normally do!

I lost so much hair that I grossed out my stylist at the shampoo bowl. She was all "Ooooook then..." and pulling fistfuls of it out.

Matt and Natalie said...

I just bought Watermelon and so far so good...they are nice easy fun reads for sure! BTW, Matt & I love your bangs, we were crackin' up!

Anonymous said...

I happened across your site via a friend, what a wonderful blog! May I stick around?

Cheers, Deb