cards and cupcakes

First of all, thank you for all the comments on the blog post and the emails and the snail mail and the phone calls and the texts and the food and the snacks and, well, just EVERYTHING. Every single word has been read over and over and we appreciate all the love and the prayers and, well, again just EVERYTHING. I alternate between moments of gratitude for the amazing support and moments of anger at the whole situation and moments of disbelief that it really happened.

I've eaten a lot of cupcakes and watched a lot of Real Housewives of New Jersey.

I have never been so thankful to have a husband that has not one single hesitation about how to care for our child. He pretty much took over and allowed me to lay wrapped up in the covers for many, many hours.

On a physical note, I think it's finally over. (crossing fingers on that) It was more painful than I thought it would be. I joked with several of you that I now have to curb my new pain killer/percoset habit and join the real world again. It's really not funny but I let go off my normal reticence to swallow pills and it helped. The most heart breaking moment of this whole ordeal happened for me in the middle of the night...or maybe during a nap...I'm not really clear as I slept quite a bit, BUT, at one point I woke up clutching my stomach and lower abdomen... both arms wrapped around my waist area. I'm sure it was mostly because of the pain and cramping but it felt like such an instinctual, protective pregnancy moment. (I constantly had a hand on my own belly while Nate was in there!)

It's been a weird week and now it's a new one. I'm looking forward to it. There are so many good things happening this summer and I refuse to miss them. I'm not done thinking and grieving but I
think I might be done talking about it on the blog (so if you have any additional questions or thoughts let me know).

I do want to say a special thanks to those of you that shared your own miscarriage experiences. It's a shitty club to be in, but I feel like one we shouldn't be ashamed to discuss. I know not feeling alone helped me and I hope I can help others going through it if the need arises.

So, tomorrow, we will go to the pool and mail our Virtual 5K tshirts and appreciate that (guess what?) ITS SUMMERTIME! (As evidenced by the 100 degree temperature this afternoon!)


melissa said...

you're beautiful. you're tough. you're wise. you're everything i want to be when i grow up.

fax me one of those cupcakes, will ya?

miss you, ladybug. xo

brooke knight said...

hell sandwich. i like that!

Stacia said...

You are in my prayers! And yes that is a hell sandwich.

sdhorton said...

I think you have handled things great, especially by being open and honest with yourself and others about everything. Hope you continue to heal and I look forward to having a play date some time soon.

Megan said...

kat i still think about you every day. hope everything's coming along smoothly. i know you won't forget but i'm sure it will get easier. xoxo

melissa said...

Gold bug!

Jennifer said...

Love you so much and so glad I got to hang out with you for a bit this weekend.

Meredith said...

How brave you are to share such an intimate thing. I was touched by the detail you shared here, waking to your arms wrapped around your waist. It's poignant and I believe it can mean self love too. I'm glad to hear you feel it's at or nearing an end. Love you to pieces.

Anonymous said...

i don't know you, but i gain strength from your strength because you shared your Hell-Sandwich story. getting through things, even when scared or broken-hearted, that's true strength, and you seem to have it. blessings on you.