cupcakes and robots

In other news, I have been preparing (sort of) for Nate's 2nd birthday party. It's going to be very minimal/laid back. I really only want two things for the party: a plethora of robots and a plethora of cupcakes.

Here are the invites (you might notice the robots are VERY similar to our Run Like Robot 5K robots. This is not an accident.) (Address blacked out. Obvs.)
I have been searching around the internet for both and have found quite a bit of adorableness.

One:
Not so robot-ey but definitely a cupcake and definitely a FIT with Nate's current Cars obsession.
TOW-MATER!

AND THIS IS A CUPCAKE!! This has absolutely nothing to do with the party but this cupcake contest is amazing! Check it out!

And in the robot arena, I really found nothing useful but JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH, Spoonflower (fabric site) is having a robot fabric contest this week. Here are a few of my favorites (links to them on image.):

I don't really know what I would do with them at this MOMENT but I totally want them. All of them.

If you've found anything regarding cupcakes or robots recently, please share.

lend me some sugga

Yesterday was on of THOSE days.... you know...one of those perfect country western song days. I returned home from St. Louis on Saturday morning. I was super pumped to be home early and had a lovely meal with some wonderful women. I went home feeling happy and ready for a nap.

Within the next 24 hours, our air conditioning unit went out, our dryer wouldn't go back on when Karl flipped the breaker, one of our dogs vomited grass and stomach acid everywhere, the turtle we found in the back yard escaped, Nate refused to nap until 4:37 PM (and I had to drive him around in the car to get him to fall asleep), the tree in our front yard shred the rest of its leaves (read: IT IS DEAD and we need someone to cut it down) and, um, er, Karl and I were NOT being as patient with one another as we should have been.

We packed up and headed over to Karl's parents. The moment we arrived, Karl went to the fridge and grabbed us both a beer. Nate was AMPED up to be at Gigi's and was running around giggling and playing and excessively HAPPY and I just couldn't help but LET GO of everything else and just enjoy being with him and with Karl. We let him stay up until 10 and then Karl and I stayed up laughing about how long we were going to be staying in his parent's basement.

It wound up being a happy evening.

(Turns out just the one night; air fixed the next day! Additionally, our neighbor, who is horticulturist, offered to take down the tree and plant a new one for us at no cost! Oh and the dryer works too. And the turtle... well, he's probably better off without an almost-2 year old picking him up and dropping him on the concrete.)

virtual 5K tshirts are in the mail

So I've learned a lot about iron on transfers in the past two days. GAH! The shirt making was fun and hilarious. I couldn't have done it without my friend Erin. We laughed a lot. I cursed. I took a hot iron to the hand.

Exhibit A:
DEAD ROBOTS:
Exhibit B (the packaging):
Exhibit C (one of the finished products): They all look a little different and, um, definitely handmade. I hope all the recipients find them as entertaining as me. Next time we'll get a sponsor and find a cause and have them professionally printed. For now, these will do, yes?

They are IN THE MAIL and I'm a little nervous they aren't going to get there. I'm afraid the envelopes are going to FLY OPEN and some strange mail person will be wandering around in a RUN LIKE ROBOT shirt. Hmph. I hate the post office. (I shall rescind this statement and profess my love for the post if everyone gets their shirts.) If you are participating and don't receive a shirt by Sat the 12th or Monday the 14th please let me know. I don't really have A PLAN if that happens, but we'll figure something out!

cards and cupcakes

First of all, thank you for all the comments on the blog post and the emails and the snail mail and the phone calls and the texts and the food and the snacks and, well, just EVERYTHING. Every single word has been read over and over and we appreciate all the love and the prayers and, well, again just EVERYTHING. I alternate between moments of gratitude for the amazing support and moments of anger at the whole situation and moments of disbelief that it really happened.

I've eaten a lot of cupcakes and watched a lot of Real Housewives of New Jersey.

I have never been so thankful to have a husband that has not one single hesitation about how to care for our child. He pretty much took over and allowed me to lay wrapped up in the covers for many, many hours.

On a physical note, I think it's finally over. (crossing fingers on that) It was more painful than I thought it would be. I joked with several of you that I now have to curb my new pain killer/percoset habit and join the real world again. It's really not funny but I let go off my normal reticence to swallow pills and it helped. The most heart breaking moment of this whole ordeal happened for me in the middle of the night...or maybe during a nap...I'm not really clear as I slept quite a bit, BUT, at one point I woke up clutching my stomach and lower abdomen... both arms wrapped around my waist area. I'm sure it was mostly because of the pain and cramping but it felt like such an instinctual, protective pregnancy moment. (I constantly had a hand on my own belly while Nate was in there!)

It's been a weird week and now it's a new one. I'm looking forward to it. There are so many good things happening this summer and I refuse to miss them. I'm not done thinking and grieving but I think I might be done talking about it on the blog (so if you have any additional questions or thoughts let me know).

I do want to say a special thanks to those of you that shared your own miscarriage experiences. It's a shitty club to be in, but I feel like one we shouldn't be ashamed to discuss. I know not feeling alone helped me and I hope I can help others going through it if the need arises.

So, tomorrow, we will go to the pool and mail our Virtual 5K tshirts and appreciate that (guess what?) ITS SUMMERTIME! (As evidenced by the 100 degree temperature this afternoon!)

the ugly miscarriage post

::heart sink::

So, yea, you know how I was all 'I'm afraid to tell the world I'm pregnant but I'm going to do it anyway!?' (Look at me! Last time everything was fine!)

Yea. Well, I'm not anymore.

Pregnant that is.

As stated in my pregnancy announcement post, I hope you will listen now and be supportive. I'm going to be open and honest and tell you some of the gritty details so, if you don't want to hear about them, stop reading. I'm not going to stop sharing.

I started having some light spotting and bleeding yesterday when I woke up. It was pretty brownish in nature so I was hopeful it was just normal implantation bleeding or spotting or old blood or one of the many other reasons one might bleed in early pregnancy. I called my midwife and we talked about it. There was little cramping so we decided to just keep an eye on it and hope it stopped. I rested and took it easy all day. Fast forward to the early afternoon - bleeding increasing a little, cramps increasing. (For the record, I had a ton of intense cramping with Nate's pregnancy so I was trying not to freak out too much.) After talking to Kim some more and my friend Jaime (also L&D nurse), I decided if I woke up with any blood at all, I was going to call the doctor for an appointment.

Needless to say, I woke up bleeding (still not enough to soak a pad but bright red and enough to be worrisome) and put a call in the moment my clinic opened. The office was able to get me in and my friend Jaime (& her beautiful newborn Sadie) were able to go with me. I was unsure if I wanted anyone to be there, but I will be forever grateful she was. The details are not so important here... Sweet Doctor Simmons performed a vaginal exam - I was super embarrassed to have him look IN THERE b/c I was bleeding and he was like "you know i deliver babies through vaginas all day, right?" (oh, right.) He took a peek and decided we needed a vaginal ultrasound (my first ever!). The tech was backed up and the doctor let us wait in his office for thirty minutes (which was super sweet b/c Sadie needed to nurse and I needed to CALM DOWN and not in front of a waiting room full of strangers).

The ultrasound tech wanded me (weird). I feel like I knew what the doctor was going to say before he opened his mouth, but there is something about SAYING IT OUT LOUD that makes it official. He gently put his hand on my knee and said "I'm so sorry." The great thing about Dr. Simmons - he genuinely was sorry and took the time to look me in the face and tell me. I let a few tears slip out in that room... not great, racking sobby tears but the three or four down your face/raggedy breath/super sad kind of tears. We went back to his office and discussed options (wait it out vs. d&c). For several reasons, I am opting to let it happen at home. This means passing quite a bit of blood and tissue. It's ugly and not over yet. And it hurts. The doctor offered me percocet and I (who turned my nose up at Ibuprofen immediately following my drug free birth and have swallowed maybe three or four pain killers in my life) jumped at that prescription and filled it immediately. I've taken my first one this evening and JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH when you don't take medicine ever, THAT SHIT WORKS. I feel super drunk RIGHT NOW. (Karl's mom has Nate overnight.)

So many things have been running through my mind since I started bleeding yesterday.... I shouldn't have been working out, I shouldn't have been lifting Nate as much, I shouldn't have had that ONE COKE that ONE TIME, I should have slowed down more, slept more and eaten better, been in better shape to start with. I shouldn't have been so confident about it. I shouldn't have told everyone so early (ugh.). I should have slept on my left side more. I should have done x, y AND z. But the truth is none of these things would have made a difference. This pregnancy was not meant to be. Sometimes miscarriages just happen.

At just under 7 weeks, It feels like my body is betraying me even when, deep down, I know it's doing what it needs to do. I feel sad. I cry. I wander around doing normal things - like going to the store and dropping Nate off at school - wondering HOW THE HELL everyone else is acting so normal when I'm BLEEDING PEOPLE!! I dream of chasing my newly discovered percocet with a half bottle of vodka and maybe a few illicit cigarettes (naughty). I cringe at the awkward conversations I will be having in the near future with both friends and acquaintances - people (myself included) never seem to know what to say about a miscarriage. I want it to be acknowledged but I don't want it to be uncomfortable - is that even possible?

The doctor recommended waiting two complete cycles before we try again, but, I have to be honest, right now I feel like waiting another few YEARS before trying again. I still love pregnancy and being pregnant and babies and encourage my friends and family to get pregnant (HEAR THAT? DO IT!). I am thrilled for all my friends going through pregnancy currently and with new babies. I continue to be deeply appreciative for what I have and I know everything is going to be fine. I know women go through miscarriages much later than me or have birth complications I didn't have. I know I am lucky to have a crazy large support system. Don't get me wrong: the situation still TOTALLY BLOWS and I'm still pissed off about it but it's going to get better.

So, that is that. GAH. Fuck you, June 2, 2010.

virtual 5k: June 19th

We are gearing up for our Virtual 5K! If you haven't been following along, we are joining together from various cities and states, promising to run a 5K on June 19th (or anytime that weekend.) We will have the tshirts to prove it! (ROBOT TSHIRTS FTW!)

Here are the participants in no particular orders (links to blogs beneath/next to the photos if available):

Meredith, Richmond, VA






Bethany, Jenks, OK







Jessica, Austin, TX







Kate, Chicago, IL

Marc & Serenity, Lewisville, TX

Leah, Little Rock, AR







Christine, St. Louis, MO







Shannon, Sherwood, AR







Megan, St. Louis, MO







Liza, Little Rock, AR







Melissa, Los Angeles, CA







Jennifer, Milwaukee, WI








Jennifer, Tulsa, OK






Karl and Kat, Little Rock, AR








Aubrey, Germany









Ashley, LA, CA

Erin, Little Rock





That is 19 folks total - quite exciting. I will do three more. If you are interested in being one of those three please email me! The shirts are ROBOTS for sure (I voted for them too.). Again, they won't be fancy but I'm so happy you all are participating!

and then i heard the doors lock

I am working on our Virtual 5K post and will have it up tonight.

In the meantime, I am going to share with you something that happened to us last week. I've been debating on sharing because I have been embarrassed and slightly traumatized ever since this particular event happened. But whatever, we're all friends here, right?!? (ANONYMOUS, I'm looking at you to leave EXTRA supportive and uplifting comments!)

ANYWAY,

Nate and I were wandering around the house Thursday morning, unsure of what to do with ourselves. I suggested the zoo and he lit up. (See the animals, mama!) (I swear I can not get over the full sentences that come out of this kid's mouth.) (And how did he even connect the word ZOO with ANIMALS? We've been to a zoo like twice.) Anyway, we pack up and head out. Nate proceeds to run around like a crazy person screaming BYE BYE ELEPHANT! BYE BYE GIRAFFE! TRAIN! TRACTORS! for a solid two hours. (He was TERRIFIED of the birds. TERRIFIED.) It was without a doubt my favorite morning of the week. It was also HOT so we headed to the car around 11:30, Nate exhausted and rehydrating in the stroller. (Me + 25lb stroller + 30 pound toddler = SWEATY.) I strap my red faced child in his carseat and turn the air on high while I put the stroller in the trunk. I start to open the door and hear my locks LOCK. (My car is OLD and my electrical is all kinds of messed up and the locks randomly lock and unlock... I usually always leave it unlocked... please come steal it.)

PANIC ensues. Everything is in the car... my BABY, my keys, my wallet, my bag ... RUNNING AIR CONDITIONING...my SHIRT... which I had just taken off to put the stroller in the trunk (I had a tank on under my shirt... but it was quite skimpy.). I DID have (THANK THE LORD) my phone, which had been in my bag the entire time but I took out to call Karl on the way to the car. I called Karl again FREAKING OUT. He 1. answered. and 2. got there within 10-15 minutes. 3. stayed on the phone with me the entire time ASSURING me that the cops and/or the Mom Police were not out in full force and there was no way they could know Nate was in there and staycalmyouarepregnant and they are NOT GOING TO ARREST YOU. I kept peering in at Nate like he was going to disappear or melt or who the hell knows what AND HE WAS SLEEPING. I can't get the child to nap to save my sanity on normal days, but I've never been so grateful to see his little eyeballs (well, lids, I guess) flutter shut.

I have to tell you guys: locking my child or leaving my child in a car is one of my biggest parenting fears. I always park directly next to a cart return - no matter how far away - at the grocery store JUST IN CASE. I feel like I always leave a door open or cracked until we're both in. I don't know why I closed the door in this case - I just wanted him to cool off quickly. I know the way that it happened was best case scenario. I know of many parents who have worse stories than this but DEAR GOD. I can't explain to you how stupid I felt. (I began channeling Cam from Modern Family and Johnny from Dirty Dancing.) And how Karl and I have been rethinking where we leave our keys and who has copies and other emergency-type plans. JESUS.

Ok, that's that. Thanks for listening. I'm still terrified SOMEONE KNOWS and is going to yell at me and turn me into to some sort of Better Parents organization.

Fun posts to follow, I swear. Here are a couple recent Nate shots:

dum dee do: waiting

Now I feel a bit as if I'm waiting.

Waiting waiting waiting.

Dum dee do...

I feel like maybe I felt this way last time in early pregnancy? Though last time it was my own secret wait and this time it's all out there!

I did call my midwife and there is good news on that front but I won't see her until 10 weeks...which sort of feels like a long time but is only one week later than I saw my OB the first time with Nate. So, for now, I'm just guzzling water, taking vitamins and exercising like normal (with a heart monitor). I dropped coffee and my caffeinated breakfast shake. I've splurged a few times and had a coke or two (Get Crazy). I'm forcing myself to sleep a ton and eat a little protein every three or four hours to ward off any nauseousness. We'll see if it works.

Have some cute pictures to post shortly AND I will be posting the participants in the Virtual 5K!

In the meantime, pick a boog for me in solidarity?

a birthday

Thank you all so much for your comments on the pregnancy. It feels very, very strange that people know so early this time and I continue to ask you to send good thoughts our way. I have yet to call a doctor or a midwife (but have shared it with the internet - ahhhh responsible parenting at its finest!), but have promised Karl that I will do so within the next 24 hours. At this point, I intend to call our midwife from Nate's birth and we are tentatively planning to see her only. Midwives in Arkansas do not have hospital privileges so that tentatively means we are planning a homebirth. I use the word tentative b/c there is no way that I can know what kind of pregnancy this will be and we all know plans like those can change, yes? Yes. To answer your BURNING "how are you feeling" question, I feel great. A little tired, a little nauseous here and there, but great overall. I'm definitely one of those super-annoying people who enjoys being pregnant even when vomiting up breakfast, lunch and dinner. I haven't really decided HOW to share this pregnancy on the blog. Last time, I did size comparison and belly pictures week by week. Again? Too much? We'll see how it flows?

Our little family of 3 (3.25?) headed to Tulsa this weekend to celebrate a first birthday. Specifically, this guys:

Karl took Friday off work and we thought we'd get in the car around Nate's naptime. I was so excited to leave early because generally a weekend out of town doesn't start until the 5pm Friday hour and then we get there LATE! and then Nate is AWAKE! and all thrown out of whack and it's not that fun trying to put him back down in a strange place.

Cue Friday morning and a whiny, fussing, getting over croup-still-on-steroids-so-whiny-yet-hyper toddler. We packed amidst pleas of "watch Cars" (the movie) and "waffle please" and more mutterings and whining and tears. (Did I mention the whining?) We wound up getting in the car early praying Nate would sleep (based on the maybe six or seven hours he got the previous evening). It didn't really pan out and he woke after an hour crankier than before. We were about two hours into a four hour drive and we seriously considered turning back around. It was all very "I'll TURN THIS CAR AROUND" dramatic. (I swear to God the medicine he was taking is the devil. It made him hyper. and sleepless. He was superhuman in his sleeplessness!)

The whole weekend for Nate was really a pretty big mess and we felt super guilty b/c we know he wasn't feeling normal and he certainly was showing all the parents of soon-to-be-toddlers what they have to look forward to! The hour the party started he ASKED to "go night-night" and he slept through the whole party. (Which, in all honestly, was more enjoyable for both Karl and myself. I'd much rather him sleep than WHINE. GOD THE WHINING.) (and GAH the guilt of not staying home! We really thought he was more on the mend than he was.)

On the whole, I'm glad that we went and were able to celebrate. In addition to the party, we shared meals and laughs with many of our favorite friends. It's hard to realize that the trips are becoming more strenuous the more our families expand. It's also hilarious that we now go to bed at 10 p.m. even out of town.

Jenny worked so hard on this party and it was absolutely WONDERFUL. If you are ever in need of a theme for a baby party, I highly recommend the Alphabet route. So many adorable decorations. The fence letters might be my favorite part. You can see them in the background of this shot: (There were also ABC cookies, ABC crayon molds, ABC fabric for the tableclothes, sandwiches in the ABC shape, and oh-so-much more. Seriously, it was amazing.)

Oh and don't forget your party mustache (created by Maddox's Aunt Miya). Everyone got one and they made me REAL happy:

goooooooooooaaaaaaaaal

So, when we found out we were pregnant with Nate we waited and waited (and waited) to tell everyone. Very few people knew until we were officially out of the first trimester. We covered up, made excuses, consumed fake drinks at parties, lied, hid out... etc. We didn't even tell some people until 20 weeks. (In retrospect how in the world was I not showing at that point!?)

This time (YES, THIS TIME), I am taking a deep deep breath, closing my eyes and hitting publish on this post.

So, as of today, Tuesday, May 18, I am officially announcing our pregnancy.

For my geeky friends, an html reference:
It's way too early to tell anyone and I hope you will think sticky baby thoughts for us and I hope that, in the unfortunate event of something happening, you would be there to support us for that as well. (And I hope that I would be as comfortable sharing that information as this information.)

On the night of my birthday, five or six of us were sitting around (quite drunkenly) discussing our goals for the end of the year. Among them were get a job, be more social in a professional capacity, and (mine) get pregnant before the end of the year.

Fast forward two weeks later... BAM. Pee stick. Two lines. DONE. GOAL. I believe I might be the first of that drunken conversation to achieve my goal.

All I have to say is I WIN.

EAVB_ZHOLHVMKIO

questionable sauces

Do you ever have those weekends where you feel like EVERYTHING & NOTHING is going on at the same time? No? Just me? Okay then.

I have been working on our Virtual 5K shirts. Here are the designs. There is a beer option, a robot option and a KFC Double Down option. Please leave your thoughts in the comments. There are currently 17 racers from lots of different places (which I am super pumped to share with you.) The race is June 19th. I intend to post a list of runners on June 1 w/ their city and state and country...and then photos of all of us in our shirts after the race weekend. I hope you will cheer us on if you are not participating. If you did not receive an email from me and are interested in participating (and a free shirt!) let me know via email. There are a few spots left. To those of you who did receive my email, apologies for the overuse of exclamation points. I just want people I don't know to think I'm NICE!! and excessive exclamation points seems to communicate this, yes?

The first one makes fun of the disgusting (yet i still want to try it!) KFC Double Down. If you don't know what a Double Down is, here is an image. It's basically chicken as bread... bacon and cheese and questionable sauces in the middle....yuck. (Or yum?)
Anyway, here is a tshirt that makes fun. I like the idea of running in a Double Down shirt b/c a 5K probably wouldn't even come close to burning the calories of one of these monsters.

Next our robot shirt. Obviously the shirt won't have a watermark on it. How cute are these robots? Found them on istock.

And finally A BEER SHIRT! Cause who doesn't love carbing up before and after a run with beer (and maybe during?!).

Ok send me an email or leave me a comment? The shirts won't be that fancy but they will be fun!

OH and I know it's improper/unspoken running etiquette to run the race in the shirt FOR the race, but, maybe make an exception this time? Pretty please?

good thing he's cute

I sat down in our recliner this morning with Nate for a morning snuggle. He was watching Cars (his new obsession) and APPARENTLY I inturrupted him, because he said (very cleary) "go away mommy." He then pointed to the couch and said "sit couch mommy". Um... I thought that wasn't supposed to happen until like 12. HE IS NOT EVEN TWO.

this is the post where i show you my ass on the internet

Remember that post last week where I was all "We're FAMOUS in tees" and mentioned additionally being photographed for my group exercise class?

Well, guess what friends? I made the paper! Er, at least my backside! GLAM.

Enjoy this gorgeous weekend. I intend to do so.

and then i was 29.

My birthday this year taught me several things:

1. Facebook friends and contacts: wow. I need to get better about looking at my little Birthday reminders and sending people notes.

2. 29 is not too old for a birthday crown!
It actually does say Happy Birthday! (It was originally a pressie from Mere Bear on my 25th.)
3. My husband (and friends!) can still surprise me! Karl told me he had a surprise dinner spot picked out for us and a reservation. I didn't argue (that's the surprise! ha! kidding.) and when we arrived at the restaurant, the hostess asked if we were "with the group." At the same time he said yes, I said no...bam, turned the corner and SURPRISE: an enormo table of friends! Apologies to the people who look like sparkly vampires in this picture - it was bright in there.
And a box fulled up with OWL CUPCAKES! (made, clearly, by the talented Leah!). I polished off the last one for breakfast this morning!Lemon meringue butter cream icing is, in fact, delicious even in the early hours.
We even made it to ::gasp:: a BAR for post dinner drinks and THEN AND THEN we came back home and had a little patio party! It ended around 1 in the AM, which, is crazy late for A TUESDAY. Sorry neighbors, if our giggling woke you. Consider it payback for the massive amount of your dog's shite in my yard.

I honestly was completely surprised by this little gathering and between that and the facebook and the twitters and multiple beers, I felt ridiculously loved and lucky. Nate spent the night with Gigi and Papaw (present enough!) , and, as an added bonus, Karl took a couple hours of work this morning and let me sleep in a bit to recover.

OH OH and and I got some snail cards too! I love snail cards. Notably this year, one arrived with BOOBIE TASSLES:
I think Nate liked "reading" it best:
The end. If my birthday is an indicator, 29 is going to be fabulous indeed!

run through the rain

We've had two exciting nights of tornadic activity here in the Natural State. According to the weather channel, there were six tornadoes that touched down in the state of Arkansas Friday night alone. It's been a pretty crazy weather season already and I'm never sure how to act when it gets serious.

Karl would love to be storm chasing somewhere with Reed Timmer and his Dominator (he ensures me that it's "safe") and I alternate between wanting to curl up in the bathtub with a mattress over my head and wanting to dance barefoot on the front lawn while the rain pours down.

(Like that one glorious, rainsoaked night in college, the night before graduation, with the sirens wailing all around! That was A-mazing. And probably stupid. But there was no wall cloud and my Oklahoma friends ensure me you're FINE until you see one of those.)

Mostly, I drank coffee (and then beer as the storms got worse!), checked twitter obsessively (hashtag #arwx! it was awesome!), and watched the weatherman on TV say "let me just pull up this mo-zilla fox fire."

I also spent some time thinking about our upcoming VIRTUAL RACE. There are about 15 unofficially signed up/interested! I'm so very excited and am in the process of nailing down a date! It is officially going to be a 5K! (though for those wanting the challenge of a 10K I could def make your shirts brag appropriately)! The couch to 5K program is about 8 or 9 weeks so I am currently contemplating the weekend of June 19. Again, since it is virtual you could pick any day that weekend (Friday, Saturday, or Sunday morning!). I am hoping to post shirt options on May 15.

If you are still interested, there are spots left! You can run or walk or do a run walk combo but it has to be at least 3.1 miles. ( Take the survey here.)

If you aren't, enjoy these adorable pictures:

all nude, all the time

Things we support: clothing-less-ness on the weekends. Less clothing on the weekends. LCOTW.

Or, really, on any day.

Hooray for exhibitionism!

Er. Too far?

Hooray for freed and sun kissed skin!

Better?

We busted out the swimming pool just in time for May 1.