so i have been doing a lot of this

in between doctors appointments and NOT WORKING. the docs - they don't know what is wrong with me. but, unless i am symptom free for over 24 hours they don't want me to go back to work until NEXT WEDNESDAY. they still think i might have mono and that it isn't showing up in any of the thousand vials of blood they took. the ladies at daycare jokingly told karl they thought i was pregnant. ha. that is not even funny. wow. how do moms of more than one child or single parents even get sick? i mean, seriously? i can't even function. and i have to wear a scary mask around the baby. it frightens him.

additionally, all these antibiotics and the sheer volume of fluid my body is requiring me to drink have been seriously messing with my milk supply. freezer stash is gone. baby is still hungry. we are still experimenting with the whole solid food thing.... so it stresses me to introduce too many new foods or too much food at once. so, sadly, tonight i broke down and ripped open a can of the dreaded formula (dun dun dun) some marketing gods at Enfamil sent us and I wouldn't let karl throw away. it is really only sad to me b/c i have my goal of 6 months exclusive w/o formula and now that is shattered. plus, i am cheap and don't want to pay for formula. i am pretty sure i can get the supply back up if this illness EVER goes away, but for now, he is getting a little supplement. i only cried about it a little. he took to it happily - like it was a big ole bottle of breast milk. it was a bit sad. i am not anti-formula (you gotta do what works for you), i just choo-choo-choose breastmilk and i work REALLY hard for it and i am too stubborn to quit BFing until I reach my goal. also, if he sleeps through until the morning, he might forevermore get a bottle of formula before bedtime and bm the rest of the time. crap, this paragraph (all this talk about breastfeeding) is making my boobs leak.... does that ever stop?!?!

also, as a treat to myself, because i am sick (6 days straight of fever people. i am really, really sick of the whole freezing/sweating combo about now.), i recieved Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 to watch from my friends at netflix. there is something about being sick that makes me want to curl up (ALONE! no one is actually allowed to touch or be near me when i am sick. which is very difficult with an infant.) and watch teeny bopper movies. and eat pecan sandies and mashed potatos. (because that is what grandma and grandpa always had for me.)

what do you crave the most when you are sick?

am. alive.

still running fever on and off. (back to 101.7 last night - what the hell?) all my blood and throat cultures came back negatory, but my lymph nodes are so swollen on one side my face looks lopsided. so i think i am going back to my favorite place in the world - THE DREADED DOCTORS OFFICE.

gosh i am a baby when i finally give in to sickness. poor karl. he has taken care of so so much while i have been out of commission. what should I do for him? Something.... think on that.

i have more, fun, happy things to blog about... lots of internet goodness i have been stockpiling to share with you all.

4 m, 3 w, 3 days - almost 5 MONTHS of that baby being on the outside. nuts.

the weekend out of town did not go as planned

so, first of all, thank you for your overwhelming support and commenting from my last post. i appreciate it. and i will keep you posted.

secondly, i had my first girlie weekend away from karl and the baby planned for this past weekend - my dear, darling elizabeth's bachelorette party at a cabin atop Mount Nebo... a little place about an hour west of LR. It started out alright... the house/cabin we rented was a little dated and dirty (and possibly looked like a set for adult films. what?!?! it was!) there was dinner, and singing into spoons, and catch phrase, and general debauchery. i wasn't feeling so hot, but pushed on. i had a rough night of freezing/sweating, but felt better in the morning. however, throughout the day, i started feeling worse and finally had to throw in the towel - i get real stubborn about being sick you know? i deny it till i can't deny it anymore - generally i think my immune system is made of steel. i got home and took my temperature. 102. sweet. please god let me not get anyone else sick. i have no idea where it came from or what it is. i haven't run a fever in a long while - i hate being sick. it is mostly in my ears and throat. i am sure it will pass....but super annoying for the time being.

here are some sunday night images! the smiles (from me) are for sure mostly fake! nate was not so happy his mommy was home but not holding him. but i had to rest!

so, what is on the agenda this week for everyone?

4 months, 3 weeks

busy like a bee: or am i?

so it's weird to think about what I was doing this time last year because this time last year I was just barely pregnant. (can you be just barely pregnant? i think not.)

this is an image from the weekend we found out we were pregnant when i accidentally had four beers was SO SURE i wasn't (oh those cramps! tricksters!) and we were preparing to go on a mexican fiesta vaca. (for the record, karl and i had a big(ish) fight the night before we found out about something stupid that i don't remember. we were too shocked to continue that fight! instead, i made him buy me multiple brands of pee sticks. ah, marriage.)

things are weird lately. i feel very out of touch with everyone and everything. when i am at work, i can barely concentrate on work. when i am at home, i stress about the work i didn't get done or need to do. i bring work home but never do it. when i talk to people, somehow conversations find their way back to labor and breastfeeding and babies! i try really hard to remember birthdays and anniversaries like i normally would, but find them slipping by. it feels like any task i set out to do, i get distracted. my bathroom is filthy. (good thing i don't have to deliver any babies in there this week.) i have conversations with people but have the odd feeling that i have had that EXACT conversation with that person before. (but i can never be sure so usually i just keep going!) i forget to call people back (personally not professionally.) i take days to respond to emails (again personally not professionally) and sometimes trail off in the middle of IM conversations and forget i was talking to that person. sometimes i forget to shower. my list making skills have gone to the wayside. i don't even write things down just to cross them off anymore. i barely write things down at all. (and i am kind of a list freak!) sometimes i panic if i realize i haven't thought about the baby in a certain time frame. i have all these ideas i want to blog about, but then forget them when i sit down to blog and worry that blogging is cutting into my time with karl, time with nate, time with my pillow and blankie. i want to work out and know i could make time, but it feels overwhelmingly impossible. (and I KNOW it's NOT because somehow i have managed to finish almost three of the twilight books!) i dream about all these random projects i want to work on, but never start them. when 3 p.m. rolls around during the work week, ALL i can think about is leaving. then when i get home with the baby, i think i should have left him at daycare longer. i worry i am not pulling my weight at work. i worry i am wasting my precious time with the baby if there is a show on i really want to watch (i know, ridiculous, right?). i worry people will think it is odd if i tote my child with me to dinners and movies and parties and weddings and vacations.

how do i get back on track!? how do i focus!?! or am i forevermore corrupted by this crazy mom-brain thing i have going on? will i always feel this scattery and boob-focused? (i swear i think about them more than my husband. for the moment, i have readjusted my exclusive breastfeeding goal to 6 months.)

(i do, thankfully, remember to pay the bills.)

see? this blog is even weird and all disconnecty. HELP!

i am now going to shut my eyes and shut my brain. i know a panic, scattered post like this is not that entertaining to read. (AND that i wrote a similar one a few weeks ago - again with the repeating!) please forgive this crazy woman who has taken over my brain and body. i guess i can't really promise the old kat will return, becasue i seem to have morphed into some new, different version of myself. (who needs to learn how to relax and enjoy herself again!)

also, the astronaut with a diaper? that is my cousin anna - she is preggo my leggo and having a boy! (current name: rocco. love it.)

4 months, 2 weeks, 4 days

reality tv - you are having a good week

biggest loser this week: good triumphs over evil. amy c., you're awesome. vicky, you're crazy. you are NOT what BL is about. i may have become myspace friends with some of the contestants. don't tell anyone. i don't even like myspace.

antm this week: marjorie - you are bananas.
"this is high fashion toilet paper" -paulina, one of the judges.

mostly i watch them via dvr at 3 am when little nater is hungrypants.

more soon.

4m, 2w, 4d

baby toys are scary

please note: when putting together a new toy in living room, make sure it can fit through the other doors of your house. because, apparently, this "rainforest jumperoo" will forevermore be in our living room. taunting me with its monkey chatter and parrot squawking.

help.

sunday pictures: ok when not preggo?

so, i was contemplating going back to Sunday Night Pictures even though i am no longer showing you my growing belly. now they shall feature a growing baby. with me. to give you an idea of how big little nater tot is compared to big people. like his mama. what do we think? good idea? bad idea? i whipped out some of my favorite belly pic clothes for the first installment (alright, fine, i was already wearing them. those damn maternity yoga pants & ON tanks are THE most comfortable lounging clothes EVER. it's my sunday uniform.)

and, yes, we have started a little cereal with a spoon. i was hoping to make it to 6 months on exclusively 'the milks' (karl likes to say... 'is nate-nater ready for the milks?'), but he is ready. so we are going with it. not sure what to introduce next... there are many choices. maybe sweet panaters. seems appropriate.

4 months, 2 weeks

what happens when two TU alum lose a bet in AR?

so, yea, i lost a bet. resulting in me (and audra) both wearing hog noses to happy hour. (happy hour resulting in me (and keely) wearing sunglasses in the evening and throwing up gang, er, peace signs.)

at least our team doesn't require grown men (and women) to go "wwwwwwooooooooooo" in a high pitched little girl voice while waggling our hand digits in a spirit-finger kind of way. three times.

wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.... pig sooie.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.... pig sooie.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.... pig sooie.
Razor-backs.

(there. we are even. i even called the hogs in internet-land AND held the "woo" part for the traditional 8 seconds... you can tell by the # of o's i have given the word. clearly that is eight seconds.)

happy friday. (finally.)

nater patater measured in at 26.5 inches at his doc appointment. yea, that is almost half my height.

4 m, 1 w, 5 days

do you think it's too early to use hair gel?

so here are some things that have happened to me recently:

1. someone got ahold of my debit card and charged $300 - $400 in the past two weeks. yea! bank of america is taking care of it. i still haven't figured out HOW my info was scammed but i do know they have my phone # and address. i got some nice coffee in the mail that i didn't order, and, aparantely, i have ordered many things from stamps.com and mydirectbuy something dot com and some other dot coms. (i am betting it's SOMEHOW related to babies r us, but, really, that is just because i hate babies r us.)

2. my iphone went ape wild. (ape wild? is that even an expression? what?) it kept saying "this device is not compatible with an iphone. (WHAT? it IS an iphone!) would you like to turn on airport mode?" and then i would touch "no" and try and turn it off. then it just kept auto-starting over and over and over until it died. it would not charge and blew up my radio it docks into. (creepy.) and the great state of AR does not, in fact, have an apple store. anywhere. in the whole state. (so if you have tried to text or call lately, sorry. i DO have karl's crackberry now and my # is forwarding to it so please call me. i have only tried to touch the screen to answer, oh, i don't know, a million times. WHAT ARE THESE BUTTON things? do i have to PRESS them? i don't get it.) i shipped the ole iphone off to the iphone elves for a (hopefully) speedy repair.

3. nate is having a great week at daycare this week. we worked out some issues. sigh. (and then today he accidentally got another baby's breastmilk! yea!)

4. i voted today. not that it mattered as the electoral college is the most ridiculous thing ever. pretty sure arkansas' 6 votes were red before i even left the polling place. on a plus note, i had no line/wait at the polls. and we had scantron-ey bubbles this year! (usually we have the arrows.)

5. i MAY have started reading the twilight series. and by MAY i mean the first book is almost done. DAMN YOU POP CULTURE. i can't resist!

6. i have over 400 unread items in my google reader. eeks. time to un-subscribe to some feeds. my inbox is just as messy. the baby has been sleeping for an hour and i am dedicated to catching up, commenting, updating.... all the internet funsies!

7. we are working on naterade's mohawk. (don't worry. the rat tail is still there.)

more soon.... will these pics tide you over?

nom nom nom those cheeks.

4 m, 1 w, 2 d

hambooglers & cheese please

nothing says "let's get married!" like a wedding shower with costumes! too much fun.

i have been jealous of everyone posting adorable halloween costumes and pictures - i need to play too! so here they are. karl and i were PIRATE VS. NINJA this year. my costume is indeed for a 12-14 year old boy, and karl's costume included one week of letting his face get scruffy to get into character. oh, and an arm parrot.

i have oh so much more to blog about, but i will leave you with these for the momento. i have to get to work! BEFORE NATE i always took for granted ten or fifteen minute 'breaks' at work to blog and/or hang out... now i just want to do my work and leave - is that horrible?

the ole bloggity went under a wee bit of construction - i will be updating my header soon with another floating nater tot.

we have 4 month shots this week for the baby. (a little over due.)

4 months, 1 week, 2 days

trick AND treat

q: why are graveyards so noisy?
a: Because of all the coffin!

let's go through the same torture i go through every halloween.

i ask the kids (the five that come to our door!) here to tell a joke for their candy, and they look at me blankly and hold out their candy bags.

TELL ME A JOKE! WORK FOR YOUR CANDY!

AP-arantely, the joke-telling-for-candy ritual is not commonly practiced in this part of the world.

is it in yours?

Okay, one more:

q: what did tennessee?
a: the same thing arkansas.

(do i get a twix now?)

(somebody get me a damn twix bar.)

life can't be all that bad

when i have this beautiful babe to snuggle with in the morning. (and in the night and whenever possible in between.)

HOWEVER, life can be busy, and stressful, and downright crazy. prioritizing is difficult. clearly, The Baby and The Husband get top priority. and then The Job? and then what? The Friends? The Blog? I have a list of fun things to blog about; please bear with me in this time of insanity.

I feel a ridiculous amount of anxiety and stress. somedays i am glad to be back at work and other days i am so anxious about the baby at the daycare that i feel too disoriented to focus on work. (OR ANYTHING.) i also have a problem feeling the same 'go get em' attitude as i had BEFORE NATE. if my client doesn't like the blue in thier ad, i find it really hard to care as much. but, overall, i still enjoy my work.

and then there are days like monday.

on monday, a certain female coworker in the office unnecessarily lost her temper (with me) and MAY have been plain RUDE (to me) re: something that was not my responsibility (and, for the record, if it was, i would own it.). she was VERY IMPORTANT & VERY BUSY and on her way out the door for VERY BIG appointment, and I couldn't get her what she needed AT THAT SECOND. five minutes later she was back in the door because her car battery was dead. karma. it is a bitch.

on that same day, i had an advertiser pull on "press day" (very bad... messes up entire pages of a publication... must find filler text or move things around or do SOMETHING to go in its spot) because she wasn't happy with the ad we worked on for her. a teeny, tiny ad that i loved very much had to call her about EVERY day for two weeks because she had neither internet nor fax at her place of business. (don't get me started on clients that approve advertising through fax...ALL FAX MACHINES SHOULD BE BURNED ala office space style.) Let's not name names (ahem, kris & sams cookies on bowman road) but let's just say i will never eat another cake ball again from her establishment. they go on THE LIST (of advertisers i work with that i would NEVER give business to.) this list is, unfortunately, quite long.

some other things happened monday, but none are important.

let's just say i have a whole new respect for working mothers. i am NOT complaining, but, wowzers, it is more challenging than i anticipated. the days fly by and my laundry pile never decreases.

the baby has had a few issues at daycare. they say he is 'gassy' after he eats... but he never is at home.... so i just don't know how they are feeding them and i don't know how to tell them to feed him... and the thought of him screaming makes me cringe. plus, one of the FT teachers left and they haven't hired a new one yet... so there have been several folks in and out of the classroom. that stesses me a little. it isn't because i miss nater so terribly i can't handle it, but it IS difficult to leave your child in some one elses care. especially when that person rotates.

wow, ok, please don't feel sorry for me because, despite the recent negativity, things really are great. (oh, and my baby fevah is gone. like, way, way, way gone.) this past weekend with the baby was SUPER FUN - he is rolling a bit and obsessively chewing his hands and finding his feetsies. oh, and giggling. my baby talking skillz are becoming top notch and the other night i tried to burp karl while we were watching tv.

stay tuned for a fun post...also the blog will be going under a very SLIGHT maintenance. slight.

4 months, 2 days

seriously disturbing

i don't normally post re: news, but this story has touched the Little Rock community; it is both terrifying and heartbreaking.

Anne Pressley, a 26 year old anchorwoman, for a local channel, passed away this evening after being attacked last weekend. HERE is a link.

there is not much to say. i just can't believe it was an act of random violence.

please pray for her family and friends and this community.

Exhaustion

that is all.

more blogging coming soon.

i can't believe october is almost over.

3 mo, 4 wks, 1 day

i would like to express my hatred for babies r us

oh. my. god. i hate this place so much i can't even tell you. i hate them, i hate them, i hate them. there. i expressed it.

i am not going to go into the mundane details, but the last two times i have been in that store i have left either in tears or shaking and cussing (a combination of both, really.).

then i wonder why i even bother letting piddly little things such as REALLY CRAPPY CUSTOMER SERVICE bother me. ugh. never mind. i am just getting annoyed all over again. not worth it.

if i had tons of cash, i would shop strictly online or in cute little baby boutiques. (ah, who am i kidding? i hate shopping in stores. so, yea, it would be online only. if i could, i would buy everything online.)

AND so i don't have to listen to you all say "he looks just like karl!" or "your husband must be so happy he looks just like him!" and blah blah blah KARL. here is one of MY baby pics. you tell me you can't see my baby in there, you be a LIAR!

here is karl (who nate, admittedly, does share some traits with. ha.):

WHO IS THE COMBO BABY NOW, huh?

and though i find it offending that the FATTER our child gets, the more people say he looks like me, i'll TAKE IT!

3m, 3w, 3d (333. i like it.)

little boxes on the hillside, little boxes made of ticky tacky

so, it's totally weird to do the 'cliche' things i never thought i would do, but now find myself participating with total compliance. case in point: pumpkin patch pictures. why must society require parents to drive to a patch, place their child on a pumpkin, and snap an image or 4,000? WHY!?

whatever, i am going with it.

because it was fun.

and, because, dear god, the pictures make me nauseated they are so cute. i mean, is he really cute, or am i just ridiculously biased? you know what? don't answer that. i don't care.

additionally, pig races? really arkansas? really? (they painted a little spot on them. i picked the green one. his name is hamlet. he came in dead last. every race.) (and, for the record, i did not see my first real pig up close and in person (that i remember) until the oklahoma state fair in college. they most certianly do not 'oink' - who even came up with that?) nater boots slept through his first pig races. shame on him. how will he ever grow up to be a proper country boy?

also, apple gourds? coooool. billy goats named billy? feisty. tank tops? yes, the weather was warm enough to wear a tank top to the patch. awesome. and? the owl hat? compliments of audra.

in conclusion, i swear to god, (ya'll) if i put a picture of my child in a santa hat or inside a present box with some sort of bow anywhere on his body on this blog, shoot me dead. (let's not remember this line come december, hmmm? i don't THINK it will happen, but just in case, ok?)

and, finally, the dodgers. yea. let's make a come back, and let's kick some phillie arse. nice post-season work, joe torre. the yankees must miss you. ( i can NOT believe i am cheering for manny ramirez.) (we're talking baseball here, friends.)

3m, 2w, 3d

16 pounds of baby

arkansas' race for the cure was this saturday.

ms. melissa and i rocked it. and, by rocked it, i mean we walked in the enormous pack of 50,000 women with nater in his sling. we did the 5k and i must say, between that and to and fro parking my should is a leeeeeetle sore from carrying him. he's getting awful big. (that last sentence is to be said in a baby voice while making a 'smile-pleeeze"' face at the baby.) nate did fabulous per usual. he slept most of the race.

melissa and i once again entertained ourselves by making our own t-shirts. this year i had to work around my sling.

some other favorite slogans we saw: Fighting the War on My Rack. (This one was printed on a huge banner that overhung the 'Harley corner.' A bunch of bikers get together, dress in pink, and rev their engines the whole race. it's very sweet. in a manly, biker way.

there were many camo t-shirts. i particularly giggled at the "hunt for the cure" slogan. in pink. on camo.

there was also a man on the corner praising the Lord. He got a lot of "Hallelujahs" and hands raising to the sky from the crowd of walkers. only in the south!

and the usual marching bands, mayors, fire trucks (complete with dancing fireman), radio stations, and political supports. it is the same every year and i love it.

this is my 3rd year to participate in this race. and my first year to walk. (boo.) i race specifically for my grandma pat, my aunt chris, and my moms best friend joanne. all survivors. i am especially proud of my own boobies this year (with the whole breastfeeding thing) - did you know BFing reduces your own risk of breast cancer?

also, have i mentioned how much i love wearing my baby?

3 mo, 2 wk, 2 dy

why i am crazy; reason #4,653

i swear to god, ya'll

(and yes sometimes i actually speak like that now. once in a while i like to see how many ya'lls I can throw into one sentence. last week, at mcalisters, the girl standing in front of us said... and i quote.. "if ya'll know what ya'll want, ya'll can go ahead." no lie. THREE ya'lls. in one sentence. it was horrifying. and A-wesome. my 'yankee-ness' fades. )

ANYWAY, i am swearing and crazy because I think I might have baby fever. and by think, i mean I DO! (ish.) momnesia is REAL, people. i keep seeing all these cute babies everywhere (ahem- my own mostly) and at daycare and everywhere else and i just want to eat them up. and it feels like half of the people i know are either pregnant or trying to get pregnant. and, damnit, i was pregnant ALL ALONE (well, amongst my circle of friends) and now i want to be pregnant WITH THEM.

sigh. but not really.

but kind of.

it's easy to say when nate is past his initial fussiness and becoming so fun but not yet mobile. i know once he is crawling and running around all crazy-like i won't be as baby crazy.

remind self: bloody noses. fat cankles. puking (i had to make them take the needle out of my arm once at the doc's office so i could go vomit!). little sleeping (and never on the back or the belly!). overspending on toilet paper. obsessively watching baseball. kicks to the ribs.

but, but...

i kind of miss that baby moving around it there. that was pretty cool. (and, even now, is SO bizarre. nate was IN THERE. growing. eating. sleeping.)

ok, no more crazy talk.

3 mo, 2 wks, 1 day

why my life is like the perfect country western song today

the dishwasher broke.
we overslept. (by a lot.)
was, subsequently, late and didn't get to spend my normal AM time with the baby.
i lost my wallet.
and my car keys. (attached to my wallet.)
i forgot my lunch.
i forgot the caps to my bottles (for the pumping at work.)

is it friday yet?

3 mo, 1 wk, 4 dy (yo!)

homecoming 2008

homecoming really was wonderful. the weather could NOT have been better. campus looks crazy. it was a laid-back kind of day. which was nice. sweet pa-nater chilled out pretty much the whole day. (except when the camera was out. of course.) we got on campus around noon and stayed till the start of the game. (we opted to go back to jenny's and put the baby down for the night. next year he can go to the game.) TU "fried" Rice (so silly) 63-28.

it was fun (and odd) to be the only one with a baby there (well, at our tailgate for the most part. you know what i mean.) nate got a lot of attention and loving. next year. well, next year I expect there will be babies everywhere. or at least a lot of pregnant chicks.

also, the cubs are no longer in the playoffs. i know this is shocking to NO ONE, but it still makes me happy!

i am having trouble with words this evening so enjoy the images.

oh AND AND there is now a Chic-Fil-A in the 'student union' type place. karl was pissed. pissed. tee hee.

3 months, 1 week, 2 days old (is that too much? probably.)